With apps saturating the modern dating scene, many find it difficult to form genuine connections.

On Alive and Kicking with Clare McKenna, one listener asked whether she should just give up on dating.

“I just feel so down after a Christmas of being surrounded by couples and family members constantly asking me, ‘When are you going to meet someone?’” she said.

“I’m in my late 30s; I did have a couple of boyfriends in my 20s but I’ve been single now for over eight years.

“I’m happy enough most of the time but I do get lonely and find it challenging to constantly show up to things on my own - I’d like someone to share my life with.

“I can’t stand the dating apps, I’ve tried them and just find people today are always onto the next best thing.

“I’d sooner meet someone in person, have the chemistry and go from there – but sure I’m saying that for years and nothing is happening.

“It doesn’t look like the husband and kids is something definite in my life anymore and I’d love to get some advice on giving it a more positive go in the new year or making peace with being on my own.”

Lonely girl sitting on window while it rains. Image: Edward George / Alamy Stock Photo

Author Fiona Brennan said this is not an ‘either or’ situation.

“The question is, ‘How do I give it a more positive go or find a way to meet someone?’ And the very first thing that comes to me now is that it is not an ‘either or’ situation,” she said.

“Those two things are very interlinked and very equally important.”

'Box ticking exercise'

Ms Brennan said that people in their 30s can be treated as if their life is a ‘box ticking exercise’.

“It’s like this sense of meet someone, move in, get the house, get married, have a child, have another,” she said.

“It seems to be this relentless box ticking exercise, which can put so much pressure – and as soon as you’ve ticked one, people are waiting for you to tick the next.

“You could meet someone and then they’re asking, ‘Oh great, so when are you getting married? And when are you, and when, and when, and when?’ And I think that just really is so unfortunate.

“It’s so much part of our conditioning that we sort of feel like we have to have these things in order to be somehow valid.

“That all needs to be questioned and really, thrown out in terms of, there’s so many paths to happiness and peace.”

Group Of Multi-Racial Friends Sitting Around Table Enjoying Meal At Home Making Cheers With Water

According to Ms Brennan, good things often come our way when we take the pressure off ourselves.

“Look at joining groups and different things, not with the purpose of meeting a man but because you’re interested in it,” she said.

“Like, if you’re interested in hiking, join a hiking group.

"If you're interested in tennis, go to a tennis club and then just allow yourself to feel that connection and be open.

“I think it’s the ‘either or’ in this question that is actually confusing – it's not either or, it’s one and the same, it’s both together that need to be embraced.”

When it comes to having children, Ms Brennan said there is a time where biology makes a decision for us, and that it is okay to mourn that loss.

However, for this listener, Ms Brennan said there is still plenty of time left.

Listen back here:

Main image: Sad woman on phone. Image: Yuri Arcurs / Alamy.