On this week’s So You Think You’re an Adult, one woman isn’t sure if she should date a man who only started showing her attention when she lost weight. 

“I’ve recently lost some weight and after a period of self-love I’ve gotten back on the dating scene,” she told Moncrieff. 

“When I was bigger there was a guy I was interested in romantically, but he showed no interest. 

“He was always lovely to me, but never approached me in a flirty way. 

“Now, he is showing a little bit more interest and spent the whole night chatting to me at the bar last Saturday when I was out.” 

The listener is conflicted between rejecting him or pursuing him. 

“I’m also no fool, I know there has to be a physical attraction in order to date someone,” she said. 

“Do I cut him off because he didn’t have interest before, or do I embrace the fact that someone I’ve always liked likes me back now, but just a more polished version of myself?” 

Moving forwards

Broadcaster Declan Buckley said it would be “kind of shallow” if the man is only interested in the listener now that she’s lost weight. 

“But, as you said yourself, sexual attraction is kind of shallow,” he said. 

He said the woman shouldn’t be “looking over her shoulder” to a previous crush after big life developments. 

“If anything goes wrong in that relationship, it’s going to be like ‘Oh it’s because I used to be big and now I’m not’. 

“You have to move forwards and not be going back like you ‘won’ in some way.” 

Woman on a weighing scale. Image: Antonio Santos / Alamy Stock Photo

Writer Barbara Scully said the man might only like her now that she’s skinnier, but she shouldn’t “be precious” about it. 

“Maybe if the relationship does kind of continue on for a while you can talk about that at some stage,” she said. 

“You don’t have to marry him, but I would certainly take it another few steps.” 

Barbara suggested the man might only be interested in her now for different reasons. 

“It's very possible that there could have been something else going on with this guy,” she said. 

“It might not have been because you were fat then and you’re not now.” 

Insecurity

Declan pointed out that the woman might end up stressed in her relationship with this man. 

“If [she gained weight], it could feed her insecurity,” he said. 

“The origin story of this relationship in her head will be ‘I lost a few a pounds, and now he’s interested’.” 

Barbara argued that’s not good enough a reason to not pursue a relationship with someone. 

“Why make the decision now – why not go on a few dates and see how you get on?” she said.