On this week’s ‘Parenting’ segment, one parent wrote in to ask for help with her eight-year-old daughter, who has begun to touch her vagina.

“Our eight-year-old has had times when she's been sad and frustrated and struggled with emotion,” they told Moncrieff.

“She's waiting for an assessment for ASD, but if she has it, it's on the mild side of the spectrum.

“My difficulty is trying to manage her wanting or needing to touch her vagina.

"I started to notice this about six months ago when she'd lie down on her belly while watching TV.

"She would touch herself fully clothed and wiggled her legs.

“I let it go a few times. I noticed, but then did have a conversation with her about what she was doing and why - she said it feels nice.”

While they don’t want their daughter to feel ashamed of her behaviour, the family has taken in a student for the academic year, and don’t want the situation to become awkward.

The advice:

Joanna said it is important to gently but firmly reinforce boundaries in situations like this.

“Now you talk to her about boundaries," Joanna said.

“You tell her that only she can touch her private parts of her body like that, nobody else can touch her like that.

“She must do so in private - so not in shared spaces, like the sitting room or when others are in the room with her, but maybe be specific about your bedroom, the bathroom – wherever you want to say.

“Let her know she must wash her hands before and after and be gentle in how she touches herself so that she doesn't hurt herself.

“You're talking very much about keeping her and her body safe, so you're avoiding any shame-based language with that – but you are emphasising it's a private thing to do.”

Reminders

Joanna said the child will probably need reminding about these boundaries before they fully set in.

“It's not remotely sexualized," she said.

“She's not self-conscious about it at all, she's just doing something that helps her to relax, and it feels nice for her.

“So, talk to her directly about it – kindly, but directly – and very clear boundaries.

“Then if you see her forgetting – because she's 8 and she probably will forget those boundaries – you just gently and firmly remind her.”

Joanna said that children may need boundaries to be laid out by their parents before they can internalise these things themselves.