On this week’s ‘Parenting’ segment, a mother has asked for help managing her husband’s relationship with their teenage daughters.

“I have three girls aged 14, 16 and 17,” she told Moncrieff.

“In the last few years – as you can imagine – they've grown into little women.

“In the last few months, the two older girls have got boyfriends - they seem to be perfectly nice young men, and I’ve met both of them.

“The problem is my husband is not dealing with this very well - he was always close to the girls; I think he’s finding it hard now that he’s not their number one guy.

“This has manifested into him grilling the lads anytime they’re in the house - he’s quite cold and standoffish with the boyfriends too, which is creating a hostile environment for the girls.

“The girls have spoken to me about the situation, and I feel quite embarrassed by his carry on.

“The other night at 4am, my husband turned to me in bed and asked me did I think the girls were having sex? I assured him they weren’t, but he seemed visibly distraught.

"Unfortunately, I was lying to him, because I already know my eldest daughter has.

“On the one hand, I think he’s acting like an idiot – and on the other, I can understand that they’ll always be his little girls.

“How do I smooth over this situation and make it more pleasant for all involved?”

Young girls dancing at the debs. Image: picturelibrary / Alamy Stock Photo

Family psychotherapist Joanna Fortune said the woman's husband needs to accept that his daughters are growing up.

“He has to let them grow up,” she said.

“While he might always be thinking, ‘I want to be the centre of their world for them - guiding them and protecting them and safeguarding them - the way he’s treating their boyfriends is going to drive a wedge into his relationship with his daughters.

“They’re already embarrassed by the way he’s treating their boyfriends, they’re already complaining to their mum about it – and then mum’s in the middle here.”

Confrontation

Joanna said the girl’s mother needs to confront her husband about these issues rather than trying to smooth the situation over.

“I think I would be challenging this - ‘they’ll always be his little girls’," she said.

"I think you’ve got to take that phrase out and actually reframe it and say to him, ‘they are not going to always be your little girls’.

“'They will always be your girls, your daughters, but they’re young women now and we have to treat them like that’ - and if he’s like ‘no I’m having a really hard time’, then you know what? Maybe dad would benefit from having a conversation.

"I think going for a drive, going out for dinner, having a conversation where you can say, 'I know it's hard but you've got to get through this' [would be helpful]."

Man and woman sitting together indoors in a living room, both upset and deep in thought. Image: Aaron Amat / Alamy. 22 August 2024

According to Joanna, if this behaviour is allowed to continue, it will only further drive a wedge between this father and his daughters.

“If you’re thinking about this from the point of view of the girls, they’ve got one parent – their mum – who's actually coping really well with all of this,” she said.

“They’re able to talk to her openly and come to her and say, ‘I’m not happy about this or that’.

“They’re able to say, ‘I’m having sex', or, 'I’m not', or 'I’m thinking about it’ - dad is actually excluding himself by his behaviour.

“By his refusal to move with them, he’s actually pushing himself out of the narrative.

“They’re not going to him with any of this – and so that’s actually something I think is quite sad.”

Joanna said this father has to find his new place in his daughter’s lives.

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