This week on Parenting, one family is struggling to deal with their toddler’s extreme tantrums.
“Our three-year old is biting himself when he gets frustrated,” the mother told Moncrieff.
“This could be when we switch off the TV or when he's having a tantrum.
“It is alarming to us as we don't know if this constitutes as self-harm or not.
“He goes red in the face screaming and then finally will bite down on his arm - he bites himself so hard that it often breaks the skin.
“When he goes to the creche, they look at me like I'm an awful mother because he has marks all over himself.
“I have told the creche about his behaviour at home, and strangely enough, he doesn't act like that in the creche.
“They say he is always well behaved, and self-soothes in a healthy way if he gets upset.
“My husband and I have tried everything, but the biting still continues when he doesn't get his own way.
“It is awful to witness, and it's hard for us to control - would you have any advice?”
Different behaviours at home
Family psychotherapist Joanna Fortune said that children often behave differently outside of home.
“It's entirely possible that he contains frustration when he's not with you and you see it more because you're the safe space to fall apart in,” she said.
“A lot of our children will do that.
“They will be bothered all day, but they don't want to show it because they want to be good and they want to please the adults around them.
“Then they get home and sure you’re going to love them no matter what, so they can’t contain any more.”
Sensory seeking
Joanna said that this self-injurious behaviour could be the child’s way of seeking sensory input.
“So, he's three years old,” she said.
“He's very young, he's still developing verbal skills to express himself, and this is just a way to release frustration and tension – at least how it sounds here.
“So, it's a way of self-stimulating, or to regulate his sensory needs.”
A small boy playing on a rocking ride in the park. Gary Hider / Alamy. 8 January 2020Increasing time spent on physical activities could help satisfy this need, according to Joanna.
“I'd be really interested in how much outdoor time he has and whatever it is, increasing it a good 10% to 20% when you get him home from creche,” she said.
“A little run outside – if you have a garden, fantastic, if you live near a green area, use that.
“Even 15 minutes before you get in just a bit of sensory input like that as well.”
Joanna also suggested limiting TV time and using different a variety of exercises to help regulate future tantrums.
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