Should you schedule sex with your partner?

Comedian Katherine Ryan has announced that she and her husband “have sex exactly twice a month."

"I log it in case I do get pregnant," she told The Times. 

Some people might turn up their nose at anything that makes sex seem like an administrative task but Active* Consent outreach coordinator Catherine West said there are a “lot of benefits” to Ms Ryan’s method. 

“While on the surface it might seem to take out any of that spontaneity, I think it actually increases it in the long-run because you’re getting back in the saddle, so to speak,” she told Moncrieff. 

“I think it has great potential for getting your relationship back on track.” 

Dr West described life as busy enough for most people, and sometimes sex gradually falls down the list of priorities until it no longer happens. 

“It’s one of the first things to go in a relationship, kissing is one of the first things to go as well,” she said. 

“You do have to work at it, it is something that does take attention. 

“You’re not going to magically have this wonderful sex life by doing nothing, you do have to put the work in.”  

Couple cuddling in bed. Image: Hero Images Inc. / Alamy Stock Photo

One possible advantage to scheduling sex is that it makes it people think about how much or how little sex they want. 

When you have to make a decision and put it in the diary, you have to make a choice. 

“[You’ll realise] that’s way too much or that’s too little or just right and you can talk to your partner and go, ‘Why don’t we step that up?’ or ‘Why don’t we maybe make it once a month?’” Dr West said. 

“There is no right amount of times to have sex; it’s whatever feels good for you and that will change as you go through life as well.” 

For those people who have a higher or lower sex drive than their partner, Dr West said it is an opportunity to negotiate a happy medium between the two. 

“See where you can compromise, one of you might be a morning person and one is an evening person,” she said. 

“So, how do you work to make sure that both people’s needs are met? Because it’s not just about what you get, it’s about what you build together.” 

According to the 2015 Irish Study of Sexual Health and Relationships, 15% of Irish people have sex once a year or less.

Main image: Couple in bed together.