On this week’s ‘So You Think You’re an Adult’ segment, one mother asked whether she should introduce her young daughter to her new boyfriend.

“I’ve met this amazing guy; he’s been my best partner I’ve ever had in the four months that we’ve been dating,” she told Moncrieff.

“I was cheated on in all my previous relationships, so I’m really nervous about letting my walls down because I’ve been hurt do badly before.

“My last relationship was with my daughter’s father, and we broke up when she was only six months old.

“I was absolutely broken by it, as I found out he cheated throughout my whole pregnancy too.

“My new boyfriend is so considerate and makes me feel safe and loved even though it’s such early days.

“The thing is, I haven’t introduced him to my daughter yet – she's nearly two and I can’t cope with the idea of her getting attached to somebody.

“He’s been asking if he can meet her and is saying all the right things, but I just don’t know if I can trust him yet.”

The letter writer said her family had encouraged her to take a leap of faith, but she’s not sure how she would even go about introducing the two.

Depressed single mother with child at home. Image: olga Yastremska / Alamy. 5 March 2021

Broadcaster Barbara Scully said she has “been there, done that”, and related to this woman’s feeling of anxiety around exposing her daughter to someone who might not stick around.

“That said, in life, we have to take risks on a regular basis, and we try and balance the risk and weigh up the pros and cons of the risk and then make the best decision that we can,” she said.

“In this case, the daughter is only two – but even that said, I do think that kids, number one, are much more resilient than we think, and number two, are smarter than we often give them credit for.

“So, if I was this woman... I would introduce him to the daughter, but to the daughter I would say that this is mummy’s friend.”

Barbara said the daughter won’t have a proper grasp on romantic relationships yet, and this will keep things simple.

Daughter to dictate the pace

She also said it should be made “very clear” to the boyfriend that the pace here will be dictated by the two-year-old.

“If my experience is anything to go by, my daughter was probably about six or seven, and I remember I introduced her to two partners – one of whom became my husband in the end,” Barbara said.

“But the first one, I remember her – in absolutely no uncertain terms – telling me that I was never to be anywhere with him and her again, she just did not like him."

A family talks a walk around a park. Image: Mic Smith Photography LLC / Alamy. 19 April 2011

TV personality Declan Buckley also recommended that this woman “look into what it was that maybe brought the kind of people into her life that were cheating”.

“I mean, sometimes people’s behaviour, because they kind of expect a certain thing to happen, it can kind of weirdly happen,” he said.

“So, there’s something that definitely needs to be looked at, in my view.

“But again, it’s about hoping for the best and trusting your instincts.”

Barbara said any mother will always put her kids first, but that this writer should trust herself and let things work themselves out.

Listen back here:

Main image: Man playing peek-a-boo with 21 month old behind a tree trunk in a park. Image: Design Pics Inc / Alamy. 26 April 2020