On this week’s ‘Adult’ segment, one woman asked whether she should stop talking to her friend because she thinks being queer is controversial.

The word queer is an umbrella term often used to refer to those that identify as members of the LGBT+ community.

“I have a group of friends and we’ve known each other since our first year in college,” the letter writer told Moncrieff.

“I’m also a girl, I’m bisexual, and a few of my closer friends in the group know this.

“A few weeks ago I was alone with one of my friends who knows I’m bi, as I’ve told her about dates I’ve been on with girls.

“For some reason, she brought up the topic of queerness and how she feels it’s a controversial topic.

“While talking about it, she also said she doesn’t understand why people who are queer have to go around announcing it to everyone that they are queer.

“She also said that she doesn’t understand why pride should be celebrated in the workplace, like law and accountancy firms doing things for Pride month, et cetera.

“I was really surprised and I just said that homophobia is still really prevalant and then changed the subject.

“She isn’t the type who would deliberately try to hurt someone; however, I think I’m realising that we have different world views and it’s making me question how she views me.

“I don’t know if I should bring it up to her or if I’m overreacting to be thinking about pulling away from the friendship.”

Two angry girls talking seriously sitting in a coffee shop. Image: Antonio Guillem Fernández / Alamy. 23 August 2017

Broadcaster Barbara Scully said it was clear that the writer was very hurt by this interaction.

“Was the friend who offended her... was she just expressing something that actually was quite a fair point but just doing it in an awkward way?” she said.

“Like, in an ideal world, nobody should have to say, ‘I am this’ or ‘I am that or the other’, or be labelled one way or the other - in an ideal world that’s I think what most of us would think would be fairer.

“Perhaps that was what she was getting at and I think that perhaps she was just awkwardly, clumsily expressing something that actually wasn’t as offensive as the person who wrote to us thinks it is.

“The fact that she went on to express the view about Pride and she doesn’t see why big companies and big corporations have to do events for Pride – I feel very similar about International Women’s Day."

Barbara said she often feels frustrated by International Women’s Day as she believes it enacts little meaningful change.

'What you're saying is ignorant'

TV personality Declan Buckley said he understood the point Barbara was making, but “I reject it wholeheartedly”.

“This friend basically turned to the other person and said, ‘I don’t think that you should express who you are in my presence’ - that’s what it boils down to,” he said.

“Fundamentally, if you’re telling somebody that they’re not allowed to discuss their identity in some way because it’s all a bit ‘controversial’, what you’re saying is ignorant.

“What you’re basically saying is, ‘I don’t know enough about you to know what it takes to walk through life in your shoes’.

“It boils down to that you either have to be public or you have to be hidden, you either have to be proud and out, or you have to be shameful and hidden away.”

Declan said that this woman has every right to be furious with her friend, but that she should try talk the issue out with her first to see if it can be resolved before cutting off contact.

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Main image: Pedestrian crossing, zebra crossing in rainbow colors. Image: Jochen Tack / Alamy. 4 July 2019