On this week’s ‘So You Think You’re an Adult?’, one woman explains the anxiety she feels when she’s with her future ‘monster-in-law'. 

“My boyfriend and I have been together for four years and have been living together for two years,” she told Moncrieff.  

“His mam is really becoming a spot of tension for us - she always finds time to make herself at home in our apartment. 

“She comes to our place and is really rude to me and always comments on the things that I buy for myself like makeup or expensive shampoos. 

“I work hard for the money I earn, but she always assumes that my nice things are bought by her son.” 

The listener said she has tried to connect with her boyfriend’s mother but is “really struggling”. 

“She’s always around and I get really bad anxiety because she’s so judgmental of me,” she said.  

“I’m scared that I’ll never get along with my potential monster-in-law.” 

'You can learn to tolerate her'

Writer and broadcaster Barbara Scully said people are “lucky” if they’re able to get along with their in-laws, and the listener should accept she doesn’t get along with hers. 

“Just because you don't have relationship or are not going to have a relationship with his mother is no reflection on you,” she said. 

“That's life, that's just the way it is. 

“You might not necessarily have a close relationship, as long as you can learn to tolerate her.” 

Woman and mother-in-law looking angry in front of boyfriend/son. Image: Iakov Filimonov / Alamy Stock Photo

Barbara said the listener should tell her boyfriend if his mother truly makes her anxious because of her judgemental comments. 

“She doesn't have the right to come over to your house and make you feel uncomfortable about stuff you buy or anything else further down the road,” she said. 

“He needs to lay down markers kind of early on... he shouldn’t be letting her away with stuff.” 

'Put your big pants on'

Broadcaster Declan Buckley said the boyfriend is not responsible for his girlfriend and mother’s relationship. 

“Up to now, boyfriend has not in any way intervened at all, so either boyfriend is not there when these interactions are happening, or boyfriend does not care,” he said. 

“You’re dragging him in and there’s going to be resistance there. 

“Put your big pants on and say you’re not going to allow any form of bullying or care what this person thinks.” 

Barbara disagreed and said the boyfriend should put his “big boy pants on”. 

“If the boyfriend is kept out of this, then eventually he’s going to take the mother’s side,” she said.