On this week’s ‘So You Think You’re An Adult’, one letter writer is suspicious if her boyfriend is still invested in the relationship – and wonders if his sexuality might have something to do with it.

“I’m a 26-year-old woman, my boyfriend and I have been dating for over two years now,” she told Moncrieff.

“Things have been going really well – or so I thought.

“Recently, he’s been acting distant. He used to send sweet texts throughout the day, but now he only responds when I reach out first.

“When I asked him about it, he just shrugged it off, saying he’s been busy with work.

“However, I’ve noticed that he’s spending more time with his friends – especially this one friend, and I can’t help but feel like there’s something more going on.”

The woman said people have previously questioned her boyfriend’s sexuality, and while she had previously shrugged it off, she now wonders if there is some truth in these suspicions.

“How do I address this situation with my boyfriend without making things extremely awkward?” she asked.

A young couple arguing.

TV personality Declan Buckley said that while the two are currently in a relationship together, her boyfriend’s sexuality is none of this woman’s business.

“If he’s straying outside their understanding of their relationship, then he’s cheating – and it doesn’t matter who he’s cheating with,” he said.

“This is a matter of cheating and it’s not about his sexuality... Putting the gay thing on it is a distraction from the issue here.

“From where I’m coming from, she needs to focus on what he is doing within the relationship – because having other friends and having other people that you seem to ‘vibe with’ is normal.

“I have loads of friends who I seem very close to, it doesn’t mean I’m having a relationship with them or I’m secretly being straight.”

Distracting from the real issue

Broadcaster Barbara Scully said this woman might be distracting herself from the pain of rejection by allowing herself to imagine her boyfriend is gay.

“If you’re in a relationship and suddenly it seems like this person is losing interest in you and is more interested in another person, it’s possibly easier for her to go, ‘It’s because he’s gay, it’s not me’,” she said.

“Why can’t she sit down and have a conversation with him?

"Not the like, ‘Are you gay?’ conversation, but, ‘Are you happy in our relationship? Are we going along alright, because I’m sensing that you’re kind of moving away a bit’.

“That conversation to me is perfectly normal to have after two years.”

Gender stereotypes

Declan also wondered if this woman has a specific idea of what men should be like that her boyfriend isn't living up to.

“There’s a sort of a characterisation of what a man should be like and what a woman should be like, and if those behaviours aren’t immediately visible then they’re either lesbian or gay and there’s something obviously not normal up there,” he said.

“Which is completely untrue because most people don’t act as a kind of alpha male.

“I have loads of straight male friends who get really annoyed whenever the conversation has to kind of fall into stereotypical, ‘Let’s talk about soccer now,’ or whatever it is.”

Both Barbara and Declan agreed that this woman should set aside her conspiratorial theories and instead initiate an open conversation about the relationship.

Listen back here:

Featured image: Homosexual man hug woman while holding hands with secret lover. Image: pawita warasiri / Alamy. 3 February 2018