On this week’s So You Think You’re an Adult segment, one woman forgave her boyfriend for cheating once – but now he’s going to Las Vegas with friends.
“I have an issue with my boyfriend going on this trip because when he drinks, he loses self-control and does things that he regrets,” she told Moncrieff.
“The last time he went to Spain with this group of friends he cheated on me with a girl.
“He called me the next morning to tell me, and after he got back from that trip, we took a break.”
She reunited with her boyfriend a few months later, and while things are going well, she is nervous her boyfriend will cheat on her again.
“He has told me he won’t go if it upsets me too much,” she said.
“Internally, I don’t want him to go, but I don’t what to tell him what to do.
“Side note: his friends are idiots – but I can’t change them.”
Trust in adult relationships
Writer Barbara Scully said the “basic pillar of any adult relationship that’s going to work is trust”.
“I know he cheated before but cheating isn’t a disability – it's a choice,” she said. “It's not something he’s stuck with.
“Regardless of drink and the opportunity and Las Vegas and the friends who are idiots, the man has to learn how to behave himself.”
She said she understands why the woman is hesitant to let her boyfriend leave, but not testing trust “isn’t going to achieve anything”.
“It's like training a dog – being able to let them off leash and go but know not to go too far,” she said.
“My advice is let him go and make sure he’s drinking at the ‘Last-Chance Saloon’.”
Wasting 'emotional energy'
Broadcaster Declan Buckley said the woman is wasting a lot of “emotional energy” worrying about her boyfriend cheating.
“Imagine living your life thinking any time he goes to the shop he’s going to lob himself on some poor unfortunate woman,” he said.
“She's holding on to [this], and I don’t see anything her approach that suggests she’s trying to fix that.
“There has to be a way for her to feel there's been some kind of penance and proof of commitment and trust.”
He suggested the woman not ask her boyfriend not to go to Vegas while adjusting her trust levels from “red” to “amber”.
Barbara and host Seán Moncrieff pointed out, however, he likely won’t have another chance to go.
