On this week’s So You Think You’re an Adult, one person has discovered their dad had an affair and their mother might not know. 

“I am struggling to maintain my composure around my dad,” they told Moncrieff. 

“I recently discovered he had a brief affair in the 1990s back when we were kids... I am 100% sure it happened, and I have proof. 

“I don’t think my mother knows and I always thought they had a wonderful marriage based on love – that's how it appeared to us as kids. 

“Do I say something to my mother to sus out what she knows – if anything – or do I broach it with my dad just so I can clear the air with and never tell my mother?” 

'None of your business'

Writer Barbara Scully said the answer to this problem is “dead simple” - say nothing. 

“The bottom line of thins is that it’s none of your business,” she said. 

“Even with your parents you don’t know what’s going on in the deep intimacy of a long marriage and committed relationship. 

“Your mum may have known about the affair, she may have made pace with that fact, so why the hell would you think it’s a good idea to bring that back up? 

“It was 30 years ago, there would be nothing to be gained from telling her now.” 

Family affairs

Broadcaster Declan Buckley agreed with Barbara and said sometimes people can be too “judgemental” of what a marriage should be. 

“People’s relationships are their own business and sometimes they can be more porous than we anticipate,” he said. 

“If they need to talk to their friend or an actual qualified therapist, not bringing it back to their parents. 

“The arrogance of so many people in the world to believe the only way an issue can be resolved is if the punishment given out matches their own idea.” 

Both Barbara and Declan agreed this discovery can be a shock to the system, but the person needs to gain some perspective. 

“I totally understand has been changed and it’s clashing up against a hard fact, but that’s not your parents’ issue, that’s your issue,” Declan said. 

A 2021 survey by Health Testing Centres suggested roughly 45% of people in monogamous relationships have had affairs.