On this week’s So You Think You’re an Adult, one woman’s family continues to make fun of her boyfriend’s appearance.
“I’ve been with my boyfriend for eighteen months now, and it’s the real thing,” she told Moncrieff.
“I’ve known him for a few years before we got together and hadn’t really considered him as boyfriend material because – and I feel bad even typing these words – he’s pretty ugly.
She said her boyfriend is balding, has a limp and has had multiple injuries as a result of playing rugby – meaning when they go out, she “occasionally catches people staring at him”.
“Nonetheless I find him super sexy, and I really love him,” she said. “The problem is that my family just don’t believe it.
“After I first brought him home, my parents sat me down to ask what was wrong and basically said I could do better.
“And my friends are the same. I’ve just found out that they call him Quasimodo behind our backs.”
She said after 18 months, her friends and family still can’t see her boyfriend’s “inner beauty”.
'Is there something else?'
Broadcaster Declan Buckley, playing Devil’s Advocate, said the woman should first consider if there’s another reason her family are so sceptical.
“It's not unusual for somebody to look at somebody and wonder why they're with their partner,” he said.
“So, I went into this thinking is there something else that happened before she was in a relationship with this guy? Has she been hurt before?”
'Who cares?'
If there is no underlying reason, however, Declan said the woman should remember it’s none of her friends and family’s business who she loves.
“If you're happy, if you're being cared for and if you're fulfilled, emotionally and sexually, who cares what people think?” he said.
“There’s an element here of she’s a bit annoyed or frustrated at herself that she’s allowing these thoughts get into her head.
“As a gay person, that’s the equivalent for me if I'm walking holding hands with my husband down the street, that kind of judgment and prejudice.
“It's not necessarily based in something worthwhile and meaningful, or even true, but it can still have an echo of shame.”
'Call it out'
Writer Barbara Scully said there is a difference between strangers on the street judging your relationship and your loved ones doing it.
“I think perhaps it started because the family didn’t think it was going to last,” she said.
“But I think she needs to call it out very clearly.
“She needs to be really clear that ‘I love this guy, he makes me happy, he’s kind’.
“All of those things are hugely important – how he looks doesn’t except for the fact she finds him sexy.”
Barbara said the woman needs to be “unequivocably” clear with her family that her boyfriend’s looks are “not up for discussion”.
