On this week’s So You Think You’re an Adult, one woman is frustrated her friend won’t apologise for hurting her in the past. 

“I had a best girlfriend for 30 years, we were more like sisters,” she told Moncrieff. 

“Then a few years ago we went on a little holiday abroad. There were no arguments, but I did find her drinking a bit heavy. 

“We got home after the trip, and she just disappeared - she did not reply to any of my texts and did not return my calls. I was devastated, it was like a death. 

The listener said after a while, her friend told her she was “toxic”. 

“She said my new partner was a horrible person and she wanted nothing more to do with me,” she said. 

They eventually agreed to meet, where the friend said she had been in a “dark place” when she insulted the listener. 

“But she didn’t apologise for her behaviour,” she said. 

“I took a few days to think about it, but I’m still hurt, and I cannot bring myself to see her or talk to her again. 

“Am I just doing to her the very thing she did to me?” 

'What are you looking for?'

Writer Barbara Scully said she isn’t sure what the listener actually wants. 

“This letter read like two different letters,” she said. 

“The first part was all about how she had this friend, and they were like sisters... in the final paragraph, the writer tells us about how the friend explained her bad behavior and how she'd been in a dark place. 

“Now the writer is saying she doesn’t know if she wants her back in her life – I'm a bit confused. 

“What is it exactly that you're looking for? Are you looking just for an apology?” 

Stressed woman at desk. Image: Kateryna Onyshchuk / Alamy Stock Photo

Barbara said the listener “might be lacking a bit of compassion”, especially because we don’t know more about the “dark place” the friend was in. 

“If you have a friend who you've been friends with for 30 years, that's actually very precious and not everybody has that,” she said. 

“I think she your friend deserves a little bit more from you than just kind of going, ‘I don't know whether I could take her back in my life’.” 

'Friendships change'

Broadcaster Declan Buckley agreed and said the letter “reeks of somebody who wants to apportion blame” rather than get her friend back. 

“None of the actual details of what actually was going on had been presented,” he said. 

“Friendships change, and they may never ever get to the certain level of intensity that they were before, but they can definitely get to a bit where the friendship is kind of meaningful. 

“The hurt can only be exorcised if you do a little bit of that work yourself.”