On this week’s So You Think You’re an Adult, one man is happy to be an “occasional drinker” - but he thinks it’s hurting his dating prospects. 

“I’m a gay man in my late 30’s who has been single for over a year now,” he told Moncrieff. 

“I don’t drink very often, and I’ve found recently that it is starting to impact my dating life. 

“I feel like the best way to meet someone is in a social setting like a pub or a nightclub, and for me, that’s not my style.” 

He said every couple he knows, “gay or straight” first met through a night out drinking. 

“I find men have no interest in going on a sober date,” he said. “In fact, I often get ‘I could think of nothing worse than a coffee and a walk’ when I suggest it’. 

“I do drink the odd time, so my friends have suggested I meet people for a social drink, but I feel that’s changing who I am to find someone.” 

Meeting and dating people

Writer Barbara Scully said you learn as you get older that “to be happy, you have to be yourself”. 

“Trying to change yourself in order to fit either society’s or your partner’s view of who you should be is never a good idea,” she said. 

“It does make finding a partner more challenging if you're not somebody who likes to hang out in the pub or the nightclub all the time, but I think he needs to stick to his guns.” 

Barbara, however, pointed out that coffee and a walk doesn’t sound like fun a date. 

“It’s not very appealing whether you’re a drinker or not,” she said. “But you could go for lunch, go for just a coffee, you can go lots of things where you don’t need to drink or be around drink. 

“Maybe he needs to just be a little more creative about how to meet people.” 

'Straight or gay, be who you are'

Broadcaster Declan Buckley said he met his own partner on a night out. 

“I don't think he would have looked at me if there wasn’t alcohol involved,” he joked. 

He agreed with Barbara’s view of the situation, saying it’s simply a matter of being “a bit of an introvert”. 

“There’s a lot of people like that who don’t want to be out in the melee,” he said. 

“There are, by the way, LGBT walking groups, so if you like walking – great. Join a walking group. 

“There are sporting organisations, loads of ways to do stuff. 

“Straight or gay, find a way to be who you are in the world and then meet somebody.” 

Declan and Barbara both agreed, however, it’s okay to get a little outside your comfort zone when you’re on the dating scene – as long as you’re not too uncomfortable.