On this week’s adulting segment on Newstalk, a listener wrote in asking for advice about how to tell his family about his unconventional new relationship.
The question:
“I am a 28 year old man and have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for over three years. We get on wonderfully and have been living together for nearly two years,” he wrote.
“About eight months ago she introduced me to a Brazilian friend of hers from from work and the three of us began hanging out a lot.
“Long story short, over the last few months we’ve become a “throuple”.
“While we’re aware that a three person relationship is not very conventional, we are very happy with how things are going and recently our new girlfriend has moved in with us.
“The three of us have decided to spend Christmas together but last week my sister invited myself and my girlfriend to have a family Christmas at her house which my parents will be attending also.
“Myself and my girlfriend both want to invite our new girlfriend along as she will not be travelling home this year but I don’t know how my family will react.
“I’ve wanted to tell my family about our new relationship for a while and I don’t want to tell them over the phone.
“This feels like the perfect opportunity but I really don’t know how everyone will react.
“I am very happy and would hope that my family would be happy for me but I also don’t want to ruin Christmas for anyone. Have you any advice?
The advice:
Having thought about the man’s dilemma, Sophie White said Christmas is not an ideal time to reveal such big news.
“Just do it beforehand and let them metabolise in private and then get together at Christmas and then people have had a chance to adjust,” she said.
“Because it will be an adjustment for some people in the family… I know that they say they don’t want to do it over the phone and I totally respect that and think that’s really wise.
“But at the same time, hop on a Zoom? You’re looking them in the eye and just let them get used to the idea before they then meet you guys as a throuple.”
Ms White suggested the listener could also afterwards send them some articles about polyamorous love to “contextualise it as a concept” for them.
“I know some people who are in poly relationships, so it’s probably more normalised for my generation,” she said.
Main image: Two women and a man.
