When people are sick, they seek comfort from family – but this woman doesn’t want to tell her mother she has cancer. 

She told So You Think You’re an Adult she recently received a cancer diagnosis with a good prognosis – but intense treatment is needed. 

“My consultant told me that the type of chemo I’m going to have won't lead to me losing my hair,” she told Moncrieff. 

“With all this taken into consideration, I’m thinking of not telling my mother... she’s an elderly woman and this would break her.” 

The woman said her mother had her own health scare last year that could make her daughter's diagnosis even more stressful. 

“Selfishly I want to focus on my own recovery without worrying about my mother’s emotional or physical reaction,” she said. 

She feels guilty forcing her other family members to hide the cancer diagnosis. 

“On the other hand, I think this is what I need in order to help me get better.” 

Actress Mary McEvoy said the woman isn’t being “selfish” by focusing on her own recovery from her mother’s stress. 

“If you’re carrying someone else’s stress, that’s adding to the already quite big load you have,” she said. 

“What good is it going to do – it's only going to worry her.” 

The woman has a “hill to climb”, according to Mary, and she should try to make it easier on herself. 

“You need all of your emotional and your physical and your mental strength to carry on and get better,” she said. 

“There’s no need to tell your mother really unless the prognosis isn’t good.” 

Hiding cancer

Broadcaster Declan Buckley, however, said the burden of a secret could be more stressful than the inconvenience of the truth. 

While everyone has a right to keep their medical information confidential, the secret could be worse. 

“Being open about it takes a lot of that pressure away of how individual people they care about would react to it,” he said. 

“Once it’s out in the ether they can focus on their job.” 

He also suggested there’s a hint of “condescension” in thinking an elderly woman can’t handle a diagnosis. 

“If anybody in the world can handle difficult things, it’s older people,” he said. 

“They've been through so much in their lives – they've seen stuff, they can handle stuff.” 

Declan acknowledged he doesn’t know the elderly mother himself – so silence could be better than ripping off the band-aid. 

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