Talking about your feelings can be difficult – but if you’re Irish, you might find it especially problematic.

That’s according to psychotherapist Jared Gottlieb, who moved to the country from America five years ago.

On Newstalk Breakfast, he said that there isn’t a culture of naming and discussing feelings in Ireland.

“It can feel really isolating, and the thing that I’ve noticed is that people are feeling very similar things and feeling alone with it,” he said.

“There’s a sadness with that, that there could be so much points of connection, this shared common humanity, and there’s a feeling of isolation, aloneness, and like, ‘I’m the only one who’s feeling this’, and that’s just not the case.”

Couple discussing issues during therapy. Image: Tetra Images / Alamy. 2011

Mr Gottlieb said this can come out of a cultural sense of responsibility for other people.

“There’s something really gorgeous about that quality, but it can be cumbersome if it feels like to say a problem is to burden someone,” he said.

“I’ve only lived in Sligo, but I find the love language of the West of Ireland is fixing things.

“That’s a gorgeous quality, but with emotions, they’re not to be fixed, they’re to be felt, so often just what’s needed is to be present with it.”

Understanding your feelings

According to Mr Gottlieb, understanding what you are feeling can help you to cope with your emotions better.

“The neuroscientist Dan Siegel has a beautiful expression - ‘name it to tame it’, and that, which he mentioned, can be managed,” he said.

“Meaning if we’re feeling something really difficult, if we can just have it named and not have anyone trying to fix it for us.”

Mr Gottlieb said that a good place to start to talk about your feelings is to find someone who will be happy to listen.

“Starting to talk with the folks who instilled that mentality is probably not going to be the best place to start,” he said.

“I wouldn’t say it’s always the right conditions, but if there’s a discernment of like, ‘Yeah, I feel safe with this person here’.

“It doesn’t have to be a therapist, it could be a friend, it could be a family member – but someone from whom you feel you can be met with non-judgement.”

Mr Gottlieb said it can be ‘incredibly relieving’ to talk about things.

Featured image: Lonely man standing in front of the pacific ocean and looking at the stormy sea on Vancouver Island. Image: Marc Bruxelle / Alamy. 8 September 2017