Are “off the rails” friends a bad influence on your child?

Author and parenting consultant Gill Hines told Newstalk Breakfast today how sometimes this may appear to be the case, but it might not necessarily be true.

Some children may have fooled their parents into thinking someone else was the problem, according to the expert.

“I think if you ask the parent of the other child, they might say it’s your child who is the bad influence,” said Ms Hines.

“When they get together things might go a certain way and I think it’s quite common they might act one way with one group and be very different with another.

“We choose our friends; children choose their friends for a reason and they often choose them because they love it.”

Negative influence

Ms Hines said it wasn’t a “one size fits all” issue as sometimes your child is being negatively influenced by a friend.

“It is true that a child can behave very differently when they are with one person or one group of friends,” she said.

“We know that’s relevant, it’s not something you can just ignore.

“Certainly, when they get to early teenage years, who their friends are and who’s in their friend group does play a part in how you get through your teenage years.”

Even wild children need friends too, according to the author.

“We don’t want those children to be isolated as them having good friends is also important,” said Ms Hines.

“One or two people in a friend group who are the wildest or the most off the rails – maybe they get a great deal from having other people in their friendship group who help them.

“What we need to do is make sure children learn what it means to be a good friend, how to be a good friend, what to expect from a good friend and how to walk away.”

Friendship lesson

Ms Hines said lessons in friendship need to be taught from an early age.

“It needs to be done when a child is younger and they’re all about the proper way of doing things,” she said.

“Around the age of seven or eight is when friendship begins to become very important in their lives so you need to start asking questions then.”

Ms Hines warned against telling your child who they can and can’t be friends with.

“Depending on how old they are, it might just be the thing that makes them want to stick with that friend more,” she said.

“There is a reason why they are with that friend and that is what I would always say.

“You have to play detective and ask what your child is getting from that relationship?”

She suggested having a conversation, teaching the child about healthy friendships, or providing them with a book on the subject could help the situation.

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Main image: A group of friends. Credit: Axel Bueckert / Alamy Stock Photo.