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Are we dating the same guy? Facebook groups 'assessing and judging' men on dating apps

"The idea has become sort of like a vetting system for single, straight women"
Jack Quann
Jack Quann

16.57 8 Feb 2023


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Are we dating the same guy? Fa...

Are we dating the same guy? Facebook groups 'assessing and judging' men on dating apps

Jack Quann
Jack Quann

16.57 8 Feb 2023


Share this article


Facebook pages have been set up where men on dating apps are discussed and judged by potential dates.

'Are We Dating the Same Guy?' has taken the rating concept and expanded it into something larger.

It has spawned Facebook groups in the US and UK.

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Journalist and author Olivia Petter has been looking into this new approach.

She told Moncrieff it is becoming like a Trip Advisor for dating.

"These groups involve women sharing screenshots of men that they have matched with in dating apps," she said.

"The members respond with comments underneath - if they have been on a date with this guy, or they have also matched with this guy".

She said it is a way to share feedback.

"They might say, 'This person met with me but then he ghosted me', or 'Yes this is lovely guy, I can vouch for him'", she said.

"It's sort of become a bit of a pooling of resources.

"They kind of are being assessed and judged; the idea has become sort of like a vetting system for single, straight women.

"It's sort of becoming a bit of a Trip Advisor for dating".

Benefits and negatives

Put to her that if it was men assessing women in a similar way, people would be outraged. Olivia said the pages are not without criticism.

"I think there's been quite mixed responses to this group in and of itself - it's definitely been criticised," she said.

"Facebook groups at the moment have these rules saying you have to protect personal information... but there's not really anyone moderating these groups.

"It's a complicated issue, because I think there are benefits to it but then there are obvious negatives to it - particularly for the men who are being discussed without their consent".

Online dating app or site in mobile phone. An online dating app is seen on a mobile phone

Olivia said actually joining the groups is difficult.

"One of the rules in the group is that you're not allowed to share anything that you've seen in the group with people outside of it," she said.

"But again, who's really moderating that?

"In order to join the group they have 10 rules - this is just for the London one... they asked me to summarise some of the rules.

"I summarised two or three of them and I haven't heard back."

She said she believes something like this will eventually become part of dating apps themselves.

"I think it is only a matter of time until we get a dating app where people are asked to leave little, anonymous reviews for the people that they've met.

"How strange is that? But that's the dystopian world that we live in," she added.


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