A coercive control survivor has said she finally spoke out and sought help after her partner “pinned her up against a wall” on a night out with friends.

On Moncrieff today, reporter Henry McKean explored exactly what is meant by coercive control and what the warning signs are to identify it.

Jody Duggan was 17 years old when she met “the first boy who showed interest” in her - Jake Boles - and the pair began a relationship.

It soon turned controlling and Jody was forced to tell her boyfriend what she was doing, where she was and who she was with at all times – before he also became violent towards her.

Jody said things came to a head one night out when Jake had been “very hands-on” with another girl and she told him she was going home.

“He pinned me up against a wall and started punching the wall beside my head,” she said.

“A friend saw it and took him away outside.

“He went insane and was trying to jump in the Liffey; he was banging his head off things and nobody could control him.

“He asked for me and said I was the only one who could control him.”

Breakup

Jody calmed her boyfriend down and the pair went home together, where she attempted to end the relationship amicably.

“He didn’t take it well and slammed my head against the bed board, he was pushing me and kicking me,” she said.

“He smashed a full-length mirror and the glass fell on me - I was wearing a skirt so there was blood.

“He told me he was going to go kill himself and left so I ran after him and said to stay here tonight and we’ll talk about it in the morning when you calm down.”

Garda report

The incident proved to be a breaking point for Jody who confessed what had been happening to her mother the next day and they reported it to Gardaí.

Jake Bowes was convicted of assaults and the coercive control of his former partner in 2023, four years after it was reported, but received a suspended sentence.

Jody said it was a terrifying experience in her life which she still suffers PTSD from to this day.

“He was very controlling, manipulative and tactical about how he did it – he was very good at doing it when we were only alone,” she said.

“He said that he’d kill himself and leave a note to say it was my fault.”

Warning signs

Mary Hayes, who heads the Too Into You coercive control campaign with Women’s Aid, said people need to be clear of the warning signs to look out for.

“It can be really exciting if someone is into you, especially if it’s your first relationship,” she said.

“But if they’re too into you that’s a red flag that they could be trying to control your behaviours.

“They could be showing jealousy, over-the-top jealousy and things like this.

“With our campaign, we’re trying to teach young people the difference between healthy and not healthy relationships and provide specific support for them.”

Ms Hayes said one in five women aged between 18 and 25 have experienced abuse from a partner and, of those women, one in six experienced coercive control.

New law

CEO of Men’s Development Network Sean Cooke said this form of abuse can affect men too.

“There is a lot of men who have become aware of coercive control, as an abusive form of behaviour, in light of the new law that has come into effect in Ireland a couple of years ago,” he said.

“We run a national free phone helpline service for male victims of domestic abuse and our free phone number is 1800 816588.

“The first question they ask is very much around ‘Is this abuse, am I being abused?’”

Coercive control officially became an offence in Ireland in 2018.

Anyone affected by issues raised in this article can contact Women's Aid National Freephone Helpline on 1800-341-900 or email helpline@womensaid.ie

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Main image: A woman looks out of a window. Image: Islandstock / Alamy Stock Photo