The family of a man who took his own life have urged other people impacted by suicide to get therapy to help them process their feelings.
Two decades ago, Gráinne and Ali Clarke’s father, Frank, died at the age of 49-years-old.
At the time, the girls were 12 and nine, while their sister Gemma was only five.
On The Pat Kenny Show, Gráinne described her father as a “very lively and vivacious” person who was “the life and soul of the party” during their childhood.
“He was always the person that my friends would go, ‘Oh, we’re going to Gráinne’s house, this is great. Frank will be there and he’s going to tell stories,’” she remembered.
“He was always invested and involved in making sure that we had fun on every occasion.”
Ali has similar memories of her father, who she describes as the “class clown of every event”.
“I have not as many memories as I’d like to have but the ones that I do have, he’s dressed up as one of the Spice Girls or he was carrying water guns around campsites and shooting at cars,” she said.
“He was a really bubbly character and he was someone that drew people in.”
Despite this, Gráinne added there were also “a lot of very negative memories as well”.
Their mother explained to them that Frank had depression and bipolar disorder, although at the time, the girls were too young to know what that meant.
“She would explain why we might go out after school and play in the playground instead of going home like we would have done a few days beforehand,” Gráinne said.
Death
Their father died on the same day the sisters were at their cousin’s birthday party in Carlow.
When they arrived back at the family home, their mother immediately told them to go over to their neighbour’s house.
“I remember sitting there and we had an Echo bar - such weird things that you remember from a child’s memory [of an event],” Gráinne said.
“I remember sitting there, watching TV with her son and the girls and I remember an ambulance coming up outside our house and Marian rolling down the blinds so we didn’t see it.”
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A few hours later a friend of their father’s rang the doorbell and they were taken across the road.
Gráinne remembers thinking it was all “very weird” and was very surprised to see her aunt again so soon after the birthday party in Carlow.
“I remember going into the sitting room, Mum was sitting there and she had red eyes, she was crying,” Ali said.
“She sat us down with our aunt and she just told us that Dad had taken his own life.”
Aftermath
“Horror” is one word that comes to mind when Gráinne thinks about the years after her father’s death.
“You live through it every day and it hits you over and over again,” she said.
“You do things like your first Christmas without them, first birthday without them, I graduated from primary school two months later and I remember everybody having their parents there and that was heartbreaking - I had my Mom and my grandma.
“I kind of just got used to it and then it hits you again when you have a big birthday, like your 18th or I graduated from secondary school and again, it was my Mom and my grandma.”
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Ali also struggled with her own mental health.
“Our Mom was great, she got us very quickly into therapy with Barnardos - which was huge,” she said.
“I struggle with different versions of mental health and eventually in my early 20s was diagnosed with bipolar disorder myself, which, knowing our family history, was a massive thing to kind of swallow as well.”
Present day
20-years have now passed since Frank’s suicide, but Gráinne feels the family is still “constantly” dealing with the impact of his early death.
“I don’t know if it ever gets better, I think you just keep moving forward,” she said.
“When it hits you, we just talk to each other.”
Ali added that she is not sure things will ever fully recover from Frank’s death.
“I don’t think you ever heal from losing anybody that you love,” she said.
“But there’s something about suicide that it’s a very complex form of healing.”
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She adds that Frank was a “fantastic father” and his death has negatively impacted them all in so many ways.
“No family is better off without their family member - definitely not,” she said.
“And as much as that hurts to have to accept that as someone who is living through any kind of a mental health crisis, it’s also really important for people to realise, no one is better off without their loved one.
“Most certainly not.”
Gráinne urged anyone who has suffered to a similar loss to make sure they have someone to talk to.
“[Get] therapy, a lot of therapy,” she said.
“That’s just one thing I will always say to people; somebody you can talk to that’s not your family.
“Because your family is great, we’re lucky to have a family that’s great to talk to but having somebody who is not going to judge you, who is not going to say, you can’t say that.
“You just get all of that, everything, off your chest - the anger, the pain, the grief, guilt.”
Newstalk's Losing A Parent To Suicide series is supported by the Rosalynn Carter Fellowship for Mental Health Journalism in Ireland, in partnership with Shine. It was produced by senior producer and 2025 fellow Claire Darmody.
If you or someone you know has been impacted by suicide, you can contact the Samaritans on 116 123, email them at jo@samaritans.ie or visit www.samaritans.ie to find your nearest branch.
Main image: Pat Kenny with Gráinne and Ali Clarke. Image: Newstalk
