A victim of coercive control has said she does not know “how I survived” after years of abuse from her ex-husband.
On Monday, Kathleen Correia’s former spouse, Sergio Correia of Front Street Ardara, County Donegal, was sentenced to eight-years for rape and coercive control.
After waiving her anonymity, Ms Correia told Lunchtime Live she was glad the trial was over.
“The main thing I feel is relief that it’s all over - as in the legal side of things,” she said.
“That goes on for a very, very long time and it’s always hanging over you.
“So, there is relief that it’s done and I can breathe now that I’ve got through it.”
The couple met through a mutual friend when Ms Correia was on holiday in Portugal.
Soon afterwards, he moved to Ireland and the pair started dating.
“Looking back now, he was so charming and he did all the right things,” Ms Correia said.
“It’s very easy to get swept off your feet.”
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The couple married in 2012 and it was then the relationship began to change.
“It was more that I was his wife now and I belonged to him,” she said.
“He was different [in] the way he behaved and any issues that I might have going on that I would address with him, he would just shut them down all the time.
“That was the start of where I knew something was wrong.”
After Ms Correia gave up her job to look after the couple’s young children, she began to feel isolated and her husband grew increasingly aggressive towards her.
“No never meant no with Sergio, no matter how many times I said it. It didn’t matter whether I was sick or tired or just had a bad day,” she said.
“It was always what he wanted; if he ended up leaving you alone - he’d say, ‘I’ll leave you alone tonight’ - and I would be so relieved to be left alone.
“But he would remind me of that the next morning. He was like, ‘You got away with that last night, you won’t get away tonight.
“It was constant fear and the dread of what am I going to do? How am I going to get through the day? And it was on my mind all day.”
'Something might change'
In 2018, the couple moved to Portugal but returned to Ireland after a few months when it became clear it was not the right place for them.
“I was hopeful that maybe if we go to his home place and his family are around and he has his friends, maybe he’ll be different there,” she said.
“Maybe he won’t want to act like this and something might change if we moved there.
“For a lot of reasons, it didn’t work out.”
Back in Ireland, things got “really, really bad” and Ms Correia felt she was “walking on eggshells” all the time.
“His control and demand for sex was really intense,” she said.
“It totally broke me, I don’t know how I survived that year.”
Turning point
On his birthday, the pair went to a concert together and Ms Correia was told by her husband that he “expected his birthday treat”.
“He raped me anally that night,” Ms Correia said.
“I couldn’t understand what had just happened, why would he do that to me
“How could someone who is supposed to love you, how could he do that to me?”
For Ms Correia, that night was the turning point and she decided to tell her best friend about how abusive her marriage had become.
She was a “shell of a person” when she went to the Guards but found officers were very supportive when she did.
“They believed me, they believed everything I was saying,” she said.
“They could see how vulnerable and broken I was at that time as a person.
“They supported me and treated me so well.”
Earlier this year, a jury found Sergio Correia of rape and Ms Correia decided to wave her anonymity ahead of his sentencing.
In doing so, she hopes other women will take comfort from the fact that she has received justice.
If you have been impacted by domestic violence or sexual assault, you can contact Women's Aid on 1800 341 900.
Main image: Kathleen Correia. Image: Supplied.
