One Moncrieff listener is 35, single and living at home with their parents and feel like they're stuck in a rut - what should they do?
Barbara Scully and Declan Buckley joined Sean for their weekly slot 'So You Think You're An Adult', where they answer the woes of the nation.
The problem
I moved back with my parents at 35 in the middle of last year after over 10 years of living independently. Part of it was because I was living in a house share and they preferred I had a smaller bubble and also as my job was cut to part-time, it means I can save money.
While my parents love having me here and we have a wonderful relationship, I feel as though I’m completely stuck in a rut that I will struggle to get out of on the other side of this pandemic. Most of my friends are settled down in relationships, buying properties, excelling in their careers. Yet here I am, almost 36 in a part-time job, living with my parents. I’m not in a relationship and don’t see how that’s even possible anymore as we’ve been in lockdown for almost a year. I have been single for over 4 years now but it’s now that it’s really starting to bother me.
I know we all have our own paths in life and what’s for you won’t pass you...blah blah blah, but that offers me little comfort to be honest. Does any of this get easier or is it simply that you stop caring as much you get older?
Declan’s advice
We’re all feeling a bit like ‘when is my life going to start?’ at the moment. For once, we can all relate to someone who’s in that position.
Obviously the key to being happy is being happy with what you’ve got, but if you don’t feel you’ve got much then you’re not going to feel that at all. Feeling you’re stuck in a moment is a sign you’re ready to make a change.
The real question is what are they ready to do? Limitations to do with COVID aside, you can still make steps towards changing things up. They don’t have to be big things.
There is stuff that is going on for this person that is good. They probably just need to find a way to move forward from that position - try not to overthink it as well. To move forward you don’t necessarily need to have a destination.
Barbara’s advice
I do think we’re all stuck in a moment, and living too much in our heads. There’s feck all else to think about, and we’re all in dire need of distraction as well as everything else in order to remain sane.
Take a breath - we’re all feeling our lives are on hold. We’re all feeling that time is passing and we’re stuck… because we are living in this awful reality of lockdown.
This lockdown does give us kind of a hiatus for life… now is the time to start thinking about what are your priorities in life.
What do you want to do in your career? Are you happy to stay in a part-time job, or do you want to ramp it up a bit? Do you need to do some retraining? Focus on all of that.
The person says they’ve been single for four years… there’s flip all you can do about that at the moment. You’ve just got to let that not continually bother you in your head.
Hold on in there - things will slowly get back to normal. You won’t be stuck in this place forever.
