Irish girls need to be more assertive and stop worrying about being polite,  according to a leading child psychotherapist.

On Newstalk Breakfast today reporter Sarah Madden investigated whether girls should be “taught to be less polite in school”.

Dr Coleman Noctor told her there is a “cultural issue” of girls being held to a higher standard of politeness than men in Ireland

He said the crux of the issue lies in how society views gender.

“The very same behaviour in both genders can be interpreted differently,” said Dr Noctor.

“Where we see an argumentative male, we might see them as an alpha or a go-getter, but if someone is argumentative as a female, we might see them as histrionic.

“It’s a cultural issue and we need to challenge it in many ways rather than put an onus on females and girls to act differently in order to succeed.”

Dr Noctor said he “strongly” believes people can be both polite and assertive.

'Self-belief'

Alexandra College principal Barbara Ennis told Sarah she believes politeness is “the outward expression of self-belief”.

“If you are able to be polite at all times, even when you’re under extreme pressure – you are asserting yourself in a very calm and quiet way,” she said.

“You are observing the rules of civilisation, which gives you more power when you really want to say something that matters.

“You’ve heard the phrase of killing with kindness or politeness and it really does work.”

Ms Ennis said some girls have a “sorry for existing” politeness to them, which “we need to get rid of”.

“You wouldn’t hear a boy saying it,” she said.

“I think a big part of it starts in the classroom - on day one in first year - when you are encouraged to speak up, work out problems yourself and have the courage to ask questions.

“Girls in my case who are reluctant to speak out as they are afraid of making a mistake, you owe it to them to draw them out - encourage them to speak up and give them the language to do that.”

Gender expectations

CEO of The HR Suite Caroline Reidy said behavioural expectations should not be gender specific.

“We should universally say that having assertiveness, being independent and being authentic should be instilled in all children from an early age.

“I think I’d still advocate for things being delivered in a polite and professional format, but I would encourage assertiveness.

“Assertiveness is a strong trait no matter who you are - no different to empathy or emotional sensitivity.”

Ms Reidy added that our appreciation for equality has grown as the pandemic has given people more empathy toward others.

Main image: A girl raises her hand politely in school. Image: Roman Lacheev / Alamy Stock Photo