Why do men feel the need to tell women to ‘cheer up’ or ‘smile more’?

Writing in The Irish Times over the weekend, Belfast author Rachel Connolly said she has seen it all when it comes to street harassment – from sexual remarks to flashing and “many more serious transgressions”.

Despite all this, however, she said hearing the phrase ‘cheer up love’ from across the street is the one that makes her “the most viscerally angry”.

On Newstalk Breakfast this morning, she said she has been hearing the phrases from random men on the street since she was in her early teens.

“I think when I was about 12 or 13, that's when men shouting at me in the street started as a concept which is obviously super young,” she said.

“I've had it all the time. I mean, I used to work nights when I was at university.

“I used to work a job that I would have to stand outside clubs and give out flyers in the freezing cold and very often, middle-aged men who were leaving a gig would come up to me and say, ‘Smile love’ or ‘Cheer up’ because they knew I couldn't move on from the spot where I was standing because I had to be there for work.

“So yeah, I mean it's been a part of my life for a long time.”

Power and control

Asked why men feel the need to ask women to smile, Ms Connolly said it is about “power and control”.

“They have got to insert themselves into your day and make themself part of your day,” she said.

“[They are trying to] make themselves a person that you have to deal with and that is something that gives a lot of men a lot of enjoyment.”

Backlash

In her Irish Times article, Ms Connolly said she was especially annoyed to hear the phrase in recent weeks – because she believes “we are in the midst of a backlash against women’s internal lives”.

She said there has been a plethora of articles in recent times complaining about the success of young female authors and claiming it is somehow blocking the route to success for young men.

“There's a lot of pieces being written at the minute that are very angry about young women's novels,” she told the show this morning.

“There's a lot of, kind of, contempt showing towards women's work at the minute and I think that sometimes when we kind of move a little bit forward with the way women are treated, we kind of forget that we can move backwards too.”

Progression

She said the narrative that pits men and women against each other is “very, very false”.

“You know, it's not true that if women get something, it takes something away from men,” she said.

“I think that every time women get a little more access and a little bit more freedom, there is a kind of backlash against that.

“You know, we've seen that in the US too, with abortion rights being rolled back and I do think we all have to be aware that even if we think we're not the main doer of a certain problem - if we're not shouting at people on the street, for example - any kind of cultural progression for women is always met with backlash.

“A lot of people who wouldn't see themselves at the forefront - they're not shouting in the street - still participate in the backlash.

“So that wider cultural thing of just derision towards women, dismissal towards women, it all fits together as part of the same thing.

“So, I think everybody needs to kind of like get their head around that a little bit more, but yeah, until that happens, we'll never move forward.”

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