Why is it so difficult to maintain a friendship when one of you becomes a mother? 

It is a question that novelist and features writer Emily Gould has considered since a reader wrote to her about how different her life had become since so many of her friends had become parents. 

On Moncrieff, Ms Gould described this as a “really common situation” for many single women. 

“All of her friends were having babies and she felt just totally excluded from their conversations, she was having a hard time connecting to her friends and she signed her email ‘The last single girl on Earth’,” she said. 

Increasingly, conversations were dominated by children - something the woman had limited interest in. 

“She wanted to talk about dating and her job,” Ms Gould said. 

“They just weren’t connecting and she felt very lonely.” 

Parents with their daughter. Picture by: MBI / Alamy. 26 June 2013

Ms Gould added that her honest advice is not what everyone in this situation will want to hear. 

“The hard truth is that not all of your friendships are going to survive this kind of disruption,” she said. 

“It’s hard to accept and you should definitely take the time to grieve that loss. 

“Instead, just prioritise the one or two friends who are most dear to you and try to become a part of their new life and their new families’ life and put up with the boredom of having coffee dates at the playground.” 

Other single pals

Ms Gould suggested focusing on any other single friends in your life who will likely be experiencing the same thing. 

“Just have faith that in maybe five-years, the new mom friends will maybe regain some semblance of their former selves,” she said. 

“I think that’s probably what it took for me; I have a six-year-old and a nine-year-old. 

“I would say when my oldest child was five, that was when I started being able to really connect with my single and queer friends and go out to bars and parties.” 

A mother and her baby. Picture by: Alamy.com. 

For those young mothers who worry about losing friends, Ms Gould said they should try and do at least “the bare minimum”. 

“Sometimes you just have to do what you’re capable of,” she said. 

“Even if it’s just texting someone a funny meme that you think they’ll enjoy. 

“That might be all it takes to keep the sort of lifeline of relationship thrumming when you’re genuinely busy with the all consuming work of keeping another human being alive.”

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Main image: A mother with baby. Picture by: Oksana Kuzmina / Alamy.