“There’s a stigma” to losing your virginity in your 30s but doing what’s comfortable for you is most important, according to a leading sex expert.

On Moncrieff today, Grace Alice O’Shea said it's impossible to win either way, as those who lose their virginity early in life are also stigmatised.

Australian actor Rebel Wilson recently made headlines after admitting in her memoir – ‘Rebel Rising’ – that she was in her 30s before having sex for the first time.

Growing trend

Ms O’Shea said it’s a growing trend in Ireland too.

“As the quality of sex and relationship education improves, young people are learning to deal with peer pressure and waiting until they actually want to have sex rather than feeling that have to do it,” she said.

“Also, everything is so online now that I’m not sure if people are meeting in the same way and if our social skills are being affected by that.

“The landscape of online dating is quite intimidating for a lot of people who can find themselves lonely and afraid to put themselves out there.”

A number of dating apps on a phone. Image: Koshiro K / Alamy Stock Photo

The sex and intimacy expert believes alcohol has also played a role.

“I believe young people and younger generations are starting to drink a bit less,” she said.

“Certainly in Ireland, first-time sex would be linked to alcohol and alcohol use.

“Other experts say because we live in a society that is so hyper-sexualised - sex sells, sex is everywhere - that it’s actually instilling fear in people around performance and putting themselves out there to be vulnerable in that way.”

Stigma

Ms O’Shea said everyone is stigmatised when it comes to sex.

“If I’m working with someone and they view themselves as sexually inexperienced or have never had sex, they view that as a negative thing about themselves,” she said.

“They view it as something to be apologetic for, something to hide from – that people will say, ‘That’s strange they haven’t had sex yet’.

“Then there’s those who have had lots of sexual partners, or who have had children, been married or divorced, and they feel a stigma that they are judged harshly on the other side of it - It’s like you can’t win.”

Judgment

Ms O’Shea said there’s no shortage of judgemental people out there.

“You’re always going to have them, whether you have never had sex or you’ve had sex with lots of people,” she said.

“I always say to anyone I work with who feels they don’t have enough experience: ‘Technically, we’re all inexperienced when we meet a new partner because it’s a whole new person.’

“Being a good partner is about communication, being in the moment, and being considerate.”

She advised people to go at their own pace when it comes to sex.

Main image: Australian actress Rebel Wilson. Image: UPI / Alamy Stock Photo