Parents should be 'generous and noble' enough to admit when their child is exhibiting bullying behaviour.
The Department of Education is set to soon publish rules forcing schools to record incidents of bullying.
Charities have welcomed a data-driven approach and have called for it to be used to build policy.
Psychotherapist and Author Stella O'Malley told The Hard Shoulder people should focus on the behaviour rather than the individual.
"I think we have made this almost demonising around the word 'bully'" she said.
"We don't say the phrase 'bullying behaviour' and I wish we did.
"Instead we talk about, 'Who's the bully' as if there's a demon in the class or in the group.
"We'd be better off figuring out that there's bullying behaviour that people can fall into and can be guided out of".
'Guidance and empathy'
Ms O’Malley said bullies can generally be taught new behaviours.
"Children needs guidance all the time - they can be greedy, they can be moaney - and we don't freak out because we know they're kids and they need a bit of guidance," she said.
"But something about bullying makes us think something horrendous is taking place.
"Often, in fairness to the target, it is horrendous - but sometimes with the bullying behaviour they're midless, they haven't thought about the impacts.
"They haven't really thought about the person involved, and they need some guidance and they need some empathy... things that can be taught".
'We get nowhere'
Ms O’Malley said parents should hold their hands up when their child is responsible.
"My point is it's easy for children to lose their way, and I'm not diminishing the fact that the impact of bullying is so devastating no wonder we've got this intensity around it," she said.
"I want to remind parents that if your child has been accused of bullying, it's a very generous and noble thing to admit... 'They've lost their way, they need need a bit of a hand'.
"Most parents deny, and they deny so reflexively without even thinking, and they immediately finger-point and say, 'It's so-and-so, anything but my child'.
"They turn it back around on the person so fast it'd make your head spin, and then we get nowhere," she added.
Ms O'Malley said common causes for bullying can include a high power need and those who grow up in a bullying atmosphere.
Listen back here:
Anyone affected by issues raised in this article can contact the Samaritans on 116-123 or email jo@samaritans.ie
