Model and author Rozanna Purcell has said her biggest fear while battling anorexia was that people would never accept her for who she is.
She was speaking after doctors reported a surge in hospital admissions for eating disorders during the COVID-19 pandemic.
A report in the Irish Medical Journal noted that hospital admissions rose by 66% last year compared to 2019.
On Newstalk Breakfast this morning, Ms Purcell said her eating disorder began with a simple diet.
“That led to binging and purging, which led to bulimia and then eventually anorexia,” she said.
“I had such an immense fear of gaining weight that I just carried out this anxiety the whole time, particularly around food and I exercised excessively
“My weight was everything to me. My whole life was dependent on what weight I was on the scale and how people saw me.
“I guess that was really driven by me wanting to be accepted as part of society and society really leaned into that message that losing weight is good and gaining weight is bad.
Roz Purcell on the Vico Road in Dalkey. Image: Instagram“You find - I know I did when I first started losing weight - people really complimenting you.
“So, I was really tied into this version of myself that, if I lost weight, if I was a low weight, I was going to be more successful, I was going to be more accepted and people were going to like me better.
“I guess the real thing was, I wasn’t living my life. My life revolved around what I ate. My life revolved around what I looked like and what weight I was.”
"Biggest fear"
She said the compliments you receive when you are losing weight make it far more difficult to break the eating disorder cycle.
“My biggest fear, when I was going to get help - I went to CBT-E (Enhanced Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) - and trying to break out of my disorderly eating, was a fear of gaining weight because I didn’t know if people would accept me,” she said.
“People had already told me they preferred this version of me so how was I going to re-enter with who I really am - which is not somebody who is skin and bones.”
Roz Purcell hosts a HIIT class at the Chocolate factory in Dublin, 1307-2-17. Image: Leon Farrell/Photocall IrelandThe 30-year-old said there is light at the end of the tunnel for anyone battling an eating disorder.
“I have complete food freedom right now,” she said.
“I just want to say to anyone listening who feels like they are stuck; who feels like help won’t work for them, that they are incurable and that this is just who they are – I felt the exact same way.
“Going and getting expert help and even going to pages like BodyWhys to start and fight, you actually become who you are meant to be.
“I feel like a lot of people will understand this – disorderly eating is not something you want to let go of because you feel like, if you let it go, you will be out of control.
“But when you let that go and you fight it – and recovery is definitely not linear, it is up and down and it will take a couple of years – you will come out the other side and you will look back and think, ‘through this journey I actually became myself again.’”
View this post on Instagram
Also on the show, Psychotherapist and Bodywhys Training and Development Manager Harriet Parson said there has been a “huge increase” in demand for support services through the pandemic.
“A 110% increase in service users on our online support groups, 98% increase in family members coming to our family support programme.
“What I was hearing then from the clinicians working within the community eating disorder services and the hospitals was that they were also seeing an increase in people coming forward.
Not only that but that every case felt urgent and people were presenting far more physically ill than they had before the lockdown.
She said anyone looking to get to grips with an eating disorder should consider three options:
- Log on to the BodyWhys.ie website.
- Download the HSE National Clinical Programme for Eating Disorders Self-Care App.
- Make an appointment with your GP.
Last week, Newstalk revealed that the National Clinical Programme did not receive any funding in 2020.
Ms Parson said it is essential that the programme receives full funding and is rolled out right across the country.
You can listen back here:
