On this week’s ‘Parenting’ segment, one mother asked how she can best support her son after he witnessed a traumatic car crash.
“Sadly, my nine-year-old witnessed the aftermath of a serious fatal road accident,” she told Moncrieff.
“I was not with him at the time - when we reconnected he told me what he’d seen and how it made him feel.
“My son saw the accident before emergency services had arrived and he told me how he felt physically sick, and the stomach flipped.
“I validated his feelings and reaction, and we talked about how the doctors might be able to help those affected.
“We were in a very serious road accident when he was six; airbags went off, the other car flipped, and it was a terrifying experience.
“Thankfully no one was seriously hurt, but the crash had a lasting impact on him and me for some time.
“I want to make sure I can guide him and support him if this brings anything back up or if he needs to talk anymore about what he saw.”
Father and sad son having heart to heart talk at home. Image: Prostock-studio / Alamy. 10 March 2021Family psychotherapist Joanna Fortune said there is “no script” for parents to navigate situations like this.
“This is something that tragically could affect anybody, because you can’t predict when something like this would happen,” she said.
“So, I think he’s had an awful experience, he’s had that awful fright of what he saw.
“But I think what’s amazing here is this parent saying, ‘What should I do?’ You’re already doing it; I think they’re doing a great job here – keep doing as you are.”
Repetition
The letter writer also mentioned that her son had repeated the story of what he saw to his father, and partly reenacted the events to him.
Joanna said repetition is often used by children to process their feelings.
“Children will often do that, they’ll tell you a story and they’ll get your reaction to it, and then they will tell the other parent the story and they’ll see is the reaction similar, is it very different,” she said.
“But in the retelling, they’re also getting to repeat the experience and through repetition you get the processing, and that’s what this little guy is doing – and very successfully, given he’s only nine years old.
“The reenacting of it is another way of inserting yourself deeper into the experience as a way of trying to gain a deeper understanding and help him to process that even more.”
According to Joanna, this little boy could benefit from play therapy if his experience lingers.
Little boy playing with blocks with mother looking. Image: Jacob Lund / Alamy. 15 June 2018When it comes to helping him at home, she recommended focusing on sensory play.
“It can be hard to access words in times like this so messy, sensory, tactile, that kind of play - lots of it, outdoor time I would include in that,” she said.
“And then what I’m going to call more relational play, and this is the play that you have person to person rather than playing with toys.
“So, you’re playing within the relationship you have with somebody else.”
Joanna said this type of play involves getting a child to mirror body movements, sounds, or playing games where they have to follow directions given to them.
She said, “anything that brings in rhythm and synchrony is going to trigger the parts of his brain that are associated with emotional regulation and help bring him back in sync”.
Listen back here:
Main image: Mother comforting son outdoors. Image: PhotoAlto / Alamy. 11 October 2016
