On this week’s ‘Parenting’ segment, one person asked how to stop their toddler from throwing her plate on the floor during mealtimes.
“At the end of every meal, our two-year-old throws her plate on the floor, even if she enjoyed the meal,” they told Moncrieff.
“She’s very fussy, won’t eat anything she doesn’t recognise or has any sauce on it, everything must be separate.
“It is exhausting for us to prepare a meal like this.
“Also, we feel anxious eating together because we don’t know when she will suddenly and without warning lash the entire plate against the wall or the floor.
“I thought it might help to feed her separately without the rest of the family, as I’m concerned there is a performative element to her actions – would this help?
“But then I’m worried that this will lead to fragmented meals; it’s important for us to all sit down together.”
Happy dad playing with spaghetti while having dinner with his baby boy in bib learning to eat with fork looking at funny dad with interest. Image: Arsenii Palivoda / Alamy. 26 July 2022Family psychotherapist Joanna Fortune said that this toddler might actually be throwing her plate as a means of communication.
“Two-year-olds, they’re still developing communication skills, so they can be clumsy in how they convey things, let’s be honest – but they can also be highly effective,” she said.
“I was wondering, is it her way of signalling, ‘I’m done with this meal’? Just like you’d toss something to the side.
“So, it’s not done to be destructive or to push boundaries, nothing conscious like that, but it’s just her way of saying, ‘I’m done with it, so it doesn’t need to be in front of me anymore’.”
Modelling behaviour
Joanna recommended modelling and play-acting appropriate behaviour for the toddler to pick up on.
“Make sure she hears you say, no matter if there’s food still on your plate, ‘Oh, I’m all done with this now, it stays on the table’ - because she’s only two, so she needs to see it repeatedly to learn something like that,” she said.
According to Joanna, a plate with suction cups on the bottom could also be a worthy investment.
“Even if she makes one attempt at throwing it and it doesn’t come off the table, you’ll be on it really quick and be able to step in and go, ‘No, the plate stays on the table’,” she said.
“And you want that ‘no’ to be gentle, but firm – very few words, very clear in what you’re saying, and your face and tone of voice should match that.
“Then you might say, ‘I’m all done with my food, are you done with your food?’ And if she says yes, say, ‘I can take your plate away’.”
Child eats himself with a spoon. Image: Vlad Deep / Alamy. 3 February 2021Joanna agreed that meals should be eaten together, and said a child this young wouldn’t pick up on the correlation between her behaviour and the isolation anyway.
“She’ll only be hanging around you all then when you’re eating and trying to get up at the table,” she said.
“I think keep her at the table, but keep her engaged with chat, with singing, with playfulness, with making up stories, with changing your voice – being playful at the table as a form of distraction and redirection.
“And keep an eye on her when she’s looking like she’s getting to that finished plate so you can pre-empt as best you can.
“If and when the plate ends up – and I hope it’s a plastic plate – but ends up on the floor, you get her down and you involve her in cleaning it up afterwards.”
Joanna said it is very normal for children at this age to be picky eaters, as it is one of the few areas in their life where they can exert direct control.
Listen back here:
Main image: One year old baby girl crying in highchair at meal time. Image: adam eastland / Alamy. 30 November 2008
