With Leaving Cert season coming up soon, students and families across the country are trying their best to manage the stress that comes with the exams.

For many parents, relationships with their children can become particularly tense if there are disagreements about how best to prepare.

“I have a son who’s doing the Leaving Cert and he’s doing very little study,” one father told Moncrieff.

“I don’t know how many times myself and my wife have spoken to him about how important it is to put the work in now to get the college course you want - he is so relaxed he’s pretty much horizontal.

“If I’d half the opportunities that he was given in life, I would have jumped at them, but he doesn’t appreciate the sacrifices we have made to get him there.

“He’s doing grinds and seems to usually scrape by, but he just isn’t applying himself, and as a parent, it is incredibly frustrating.

“I find myself losing my temper with him and then feeling guilty – have you any advice on how to encourage a Leaving Cert student to actually knuckle down?”

Stressed teen boy studying with laptop while lying on floor

Family psychotherapist Joanna Fortune said this question will likely resonate with parents across the country, as Leaving Cert preparations tend to consume all of family life.

“The truth is we cannot do it for them,” she said.

“Much as we might go, ‘Oh, I just want to will you into doing it’, we’ve got to think like somebody their age, with their perspective, their developmental lens on.

“As an adult you might go, ‘But it’s such a few short weeks, just this final push and then you never have to do it’ - but they’re in it and they’re tired at this stage of school, they’re tired coming up to this.

“As you’re reading through that, I’m going, ‘Okay, well, as parents, they’ve made a lot available to this kid’, but the truth is he has to now avail of it or not.”

'Laid back' attitude

Joanna said that this boy’s “laid back” attitude might not be the issue his parents see it as.

“I say this as somebody who would have been highly stressed coming into exams, especially at this age of Leaving Cert,” she said.

“I remember in secondary school feeling so stressed that half of the work I was putting in, I couldn’t access because I was so anxious about the exam itself.

“Sometimes going into it really relaxed can serve kids well, and he may be taking in more than we think.

“He mightn’t be sitting down for arbitrary numbers of hours putting in study – but maybe he’s got an approach that will suit him and stand to him.

“Either way, he’s got to do this now – as parents, I really think you’ve got to pull back a bit.”

According to Joanna, focusing on rewards such as watching a movie together after a study session can be a greater motivation to students than constant nagging.

She also recommended these parents sit down with their son and discuss his goals for the future, as they may be expecting him to go down a path he has no interest in.

Main image: Parents arguing with teenage son. Image: Zoonar GmbH / Alamy. 27 August 2017