Parents in the modern era are often stumped by how to regulate children’s access to technology in an increasingly digital world.

On this week’s ‘Parenting’ segment, one family wondered if video games could be the root cause of their son's recent behavioural changes.

“I have a nine-year-old son who has recently started becoming more challenging to handle,” the parent told Moncrieff.

“He’s always been a curious and energetic child, but over the last few months I’ve noticed a few troubling changes in his behaviour.

“He started to act out more at school, refusing to listen to teachers and even getting into trouble for talking during lessons.

“At home, he’s becoming more defiant, and argues with me over small things like brushing his teeth or going to bed on time.

“He also seems to be losing interest in activities he once loved, like reading and drawing, and now spends hours playing video games.

“I’m not sure whether this is just a phase or if something deeper is going on - should I be concerned? What can I do to help him through this phase?”

Close up of child playing video games, PlayStation at home. Image: Marija Ignjatovic / Alamy Stock Photo

Family psychotherapist Joanna Fortune said it sounds like this child is being left to decide for himself how long he spends gaming, and that needs to change.

“Why is he spending hours playing it at nine years old, like who is setting the rules and boundaries around access to this device?” she said.

“If he is, and you’re expecting him to self-regulate the level of time he should be spending on it, what games he should be doing, then that’s terribly unfair to put that responsibility on him.

“There’s no way I’d expect a nine-year-old to self-regulate that level of arousal – but also, if you’ve given him access to a device without putting any boundaries in place first, that’s on you and you have to now stop and say, ‘Oh, I got that wrong’.”

Developmental stages

Joanna said that the boys age could also be a contributing factor to his behaviour.

“He’s nine years old, and it’s a stage of development when boundaries are naturally tested more – and boundaries therefore need to be held tighter by the grown-ups around him,” she said.

“You’re looking at that bit of defiance, that pattern of not listening to teachers talking during class time, acting out - these kinds of petulant behaviours coming around boundaries that he has well internalised by nine years old.

“He’s going to things that he’d previously been able to adhere to and he’s now testing, pushing, seeking to breakthrough them.

“It’s important those boundaries are held gently yet firmly in place for him, because at his age he’s in that stage of development where he things he can and should be calling all the shots, but he still very much needs a lot of guidance.”

Regulation

To help regulate this behaviour, Joanna suggested the boys outdoor time and physical activity could be increased.

“This parent has mentioned he’s lost interest in activities he once loved, and you’ve named reading and drawing, and now he’s spending hours on video games,” she said.

“That’s a lot of sedentary activity, and I just would be curious about his level of physical activity, his outdoor time – because that’s really important for kids.

“It’s important for all kids, but it’s really important for kids his age that he would have time outside, that there would be a level of physical activity and that it’s not all things that are sitting still [and that he's] doing on his own.”

According to Joanna, this would allow the boy to vent and express his frustrations through play.

Listen back here:

Featured image: Boy playing video games. Image: Godong / Alamy. 10 October 2015