On this week’s Parenting segment, one mother is preparing to undergo brain surgery – and leave her children for over a month. 

“I'm due to go for brain surgery for epilepsy,” she told Moncrieff. “This will involve a minimum four week stay in hospital in Dublin, we live in the west of Ireland. 

“Aside from being away for that long they'll also be the physical change of having half my head shaved so I will look different when I come back. 

“During the hospital stay we will obviously do regular FaceTimes and there will be a big bandage on my head, so that will be different.” 

The parent said her four-year-old is “very astute” and will cope better, while her two-year-old is “very clingy”. 

“It’s hard to know how to approach all of this with the children, let alone all of my own anxieties around the surgery itself,” she said. 

Getting prepared

Child psychotherapist Joanna Fortune said it is good that the mother herself has acknowledged her own stress. 

“This is huge and potentially life changing,” she said. “You’ll look different to yourself in the mirror, so be gentle.” 

Joanna suggested she prepared herself and her family for the change in life by making some smaller changes first. 

“You could begin to cut your hair because you can take some control.

“[Tell them] the doctor is going to need to cut away some of my hair to be able to do work on my brain and so I’m helping them out... it’s like a super cut. 

“Young children are such visual learners.” 

Parenting from the hospital

Joanna also said it’s important for the parent to manage expectations while she’s in hospital, only seeing her children through a phone screen. 

“It’s not going to be ‘Hi, how are you?’,” she said. “It’s going to be singing songs, reading stories. 

“We had a conversation recently about little kids not being great on the phone. If they're not in the mood, it can feel like a rejection.” 

Physical objects like a ‘Mammy message box’ full of activities and a calendar counting down the days until she comes back can also help.

“Maybe wait for the calendar until you do know when you're coming back and do a one to two-week countdown,” she said. 

She also recommended The Invisible String by Patrice Karst as a reminder to the children that “when I don't see with my eyes, I always feel you in my heart”. 

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