This week on ‘Parenting’, one mother asked if there is anything she can do to prevent her daughter’s tantrums when our shopping.

“I want to ask for some insight into my seven-year-old daughter’s behaviour,” she told Moncrieff.

“My daughter’s always looking for new things, anything will do – new toothbrush, new notebook, new teddy, new something, anything.

“We do not try to spoil our kids but inevitably, they need new leggings because they go through the knees, or new shoes when they grow out of others, et cetera.

“We just had another major, on the floor of the shopping centre meltdown, because I said I would not buy her something in a shop we were in.

“She didn’t want anything specific, just anything.

“Is there something I’m missing beyond saying ‘no’ and ‘not today’, and validating her feelings of disappointment and frustration?”

A sad crying toddler is sitting in the street by his mother's feet. Image: olostock / Alamy. 18 July 2019

Family psychotherapist Joanna Fortune said this is a “really relatable” question.

“I bet you there’s loads of parents listening, going, ‘Oh, absolutely, I’ve been that person in the shop’,” she said.

“As this parent is saying, you’re frequently in shops, picking up this, picking up that, new shoes, new leggings – and [kids] see us doing that.

“Going into shops where there’s tons of things out there and it’s lots of temptations, that’s very, very hard for a seven-year-old to manage in terms of just the regulation of, ‘Oh, I want it’, but impulse control, ‘Now I’ve really got to hold onto that and abide by the rules’.”

'Hold the boundary'

Joanna said this parent is right not to give into these tantrums, and that this is a boundary that will have to be firmly held.

“I would be very explicit that the trip to the shop is for whatever item, and name the item, and that is the only thing that you’re going to the shop for,” she said.

“Be very explicit, this is before you get to the shop - ‘There will be no treats, there will be no extra things bought’ - and you repeat this two to three times before you even get into the shop.

“Then you hold that boundary, no matter what she does, you hold it.”

A little girl of about 5 threw a tantrum in a supermarket in front of her parents. Image: Анастасия Короткова / Alamy. 5 March 2020

According to Joanna, it might be helpful for this parent to allow her daughter to earn some pocket money so that she can save up for her own treats.

“If she sees something in the shop, instead of going, ‘No, no, no’, say to her, ‘Oh yeah, I can see why you’d like that, why don’t you add it to your list of things that you’re going to save your pocket money for, and when you’ve enough pocket money we can come back and get it,’” she said.

“You put it to her like that consistently, gentle yet firm - it’s calm consistency we’re going for.”

Joanna said that seven is typically considered a bit old for a child to still be throwing these types of tantrums, but that children’s development is not always linear and it is not necessarily a cause for concern.

Listen back here:

Main image: A child and parent argue in a supermarket. Picture by: Ian Allenden / Alamy Stock Photo