On this week’s Parenting segment, one woman is still trying to bond with her partner’s children after two years together. 

“They are nine and six,” she told Moncrieff. “I'm trying not to force things, but we haven't yet formed a strong bond and my partner and I have been together for two years. 

“What would you suggest about how I can start to create a more parental dynamic with them?” 

Child psychotherapist Joanna Fortune said it is an “admirable” goal to integrate every part of your partner’s life into your life. 

“In blended families, second relationships, whatever way you want to describe it, children can really benefit from having as many caring loving caregivers as possible,” she said. 

“[But] there's something in this question that just brings up a question from me about what does the writer mean by a strong?” 

Joanna said one aspect to consider is what kind of relationship the listener has with the mother of her partner’s children. 

“For children to really understand the role of all of their important caregivers, they have to see that those important caregivers have a role in the connection with each other as well,” she said. 

“Maybe that's a part of the relationship you might want to invest in or foster in terms of investing in these children as well.” 

'Safe, reliable, consistent' parenting

Ultimately, according to Joanna, children at this age want “safe, reliable and consistent adults” and want to know who will take care of them. 

“I would focus on being consistent with them,” she said. “Be excited to see them, talk about things that you saw or read during the week that made you think of them. 

“Learn their preferred meals, snacks, provide those and ultimately, play with them. 

“Maybe focus on having a little tradition that is your own with them - share a preferred snack and you play a board game together and family board game night is the thing that you do with them.” 

Joanna pointed out, however, that it’s also important to not see yourself as “another parent”. 

“They can make room for another person, but I suppose what you have to be really careful about is that the children don't perceive that you're trying to replace a parent,” she said. 

The children should always know that you’re not trying to replace their own mother. 

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