On this week’s ‘Parenting’ segment, one father asked for advice on fostering a relationship between his children and their grandparents.

“I get on really well with my wife’s parents, they’re actually wonderful people - however, they don’t have much of a relationship with our two boys, who are six and eight,” he told Moncrieff.

“My wife is their fourth and youngest child, so they have 15 grandchildren in total, with ours being the youngest by a few years.

“It strikes me that they’re just over the whole grandchildren thing; they never babysit our kids or come to visit them much more than they have to.

“At the other end, our boys, perhaps unsurprisingly, have more or less no interest in visiting them or getting to know them.

“The problem I have with this is that I know they will likely regret not getting to know their grandparents.

“How do I facilitate a better relationship between my parents-in-law and my kids?”

Happy grandparents on a walk outside with their grandchild

Family psychotherapist Joanna Fortune said that the best place to start is by building an agenda-free connection with the children’s grandparents.

“You have to be really authentic about this, that what you want is the connection with grandparents, you’re not asking them for anything,” she said.

“And that’s important, that you don’t say, ‘The best way now for you to have a relationship with your grandkids is keep them for the weekend’ - because that then is quite an agenda-driven relationship.”

Joanna recommended inviting the grandparents over for a Sunday dinner every few weeks or so, to allow relationships to form more naturally.

Consistent communication

She also said to keep up consistent communication about the children to provide updates on their lives.

“Making sure that you are updating them, without expectation that they ‘ooh’ and ‘aah’ back to you,” she said.

“That you say, ‘Oh, just letting you know, so-and-so scored a goal,’ or sharing little videos, little nuggets, that you’re proactively keeping that door [open].”

Grandparents.

According to Joanna, an open conversation might also help to clear the air.

“This does depend on the quality of the relationship between this woman and her parents,” she said.

“But just naming it to them, not in a critical or confrontational way, but literally saying, openly and honestly, ‘I’d love for my boys to know you better and to have a really good relationship with you – is that something you’re open to?’

“Though I’m guessing from like 15 grandchildren, and the mother of these two boys is the youngest of the four kids, they’re probably knackered, I do think that's part of this as well.

“That’s why I’m being really clear that you want the relationship, but it’s not with an expectation that they do anything.”

Joanna said these grandparents may not have the energy to be very active participants in the boys' lives, but they likely would still enjoy being kept up to date and seeing them casually.

Listen back here:

Main image: Grandparents with granddaughter in garden