On this week’s ‘Parenting’ segment, one father wonders if nephew’s ‘cool’ interests are forced or genuine – but can’t help feeling jealous that his son isn’t living up to the same standard all the same.

“My brother’s kid is a cool kid,” he told Moncrieff.

“He’s 11-years-old and already plays the guitar pretty well. He listens to David Bowie and Bob Dylan, and claims that Animal Farm is his favourite book, and Back to the Future is his favourite film.

“The kid has taste – the only problem is I don’t really believe that it’s his taste.

“I would love it if my son was into all of these things too, but he likes Taylor Swift, Roblox and watching some Twitch streamer I’ve never heard of – I think that’s the way it probably should be.

“I feel like my brother has tried to create a mini version of himself, and I don’t want to tell my child what to like.

“Am I overreacting? I would like for my son to be interested in some of the things I’m passionate about, but I don’t want to be too prescriptive.

“Is there an accepted way of getting your child into the things you like without forcing them into it?”

Outdoor portrait of schoolboy wearing brown leather bag over shoulder, holding skateboard. Image: Anna Nahabed / Alamy. 18 August 2017

Family psychotherapist Joanna Fortune said this dad should admit the obvious – he has ‘child envy’.

“First of all, there is no ‘this is how it should’ be for a child – absolutely not; in itself a ‘should be’ is a prescription’,” she said.

“I don’t think you have to react at all in any way to your brother’s child having these more mature interests.

“There’s nothing wrong with that 11-year-old having these interests, there is nothing wrong with your child having those interests – nothing wrong with any of it.”

Don't get caught up in it

Joanna said that attempts to raise a ‘contrived cool kid’ often backfire naturally anyways.

“It might not backfire in the moment, but it generally does,” she said.

“It’s much more important for children to know that as their parents, we are interested in what interests them, because it teaches them they’re interesting, rather than demanding, ‘You must be interested in my interests so that I can make you cool’.

“That’s not how it works. And I just think, for certain share your interests with your son, but own them as your interests - ‘These are things I like, these are musicians I like’ - in the hope that he will grow up to develop his own passions.

“By doing that, you’re also reinforcing that out kids don’t have to like what everyone in school likes, they’re allowed to have their own interests as well.”

According to Joanna, there is a possibility that the letter writer’s nephew is exaggerating his interests somewhat to get positive reinforcement from his dad.

However, she advised this father not to get caught up in it, and let time resolve any potential problems.

Listen back here:

Main image: Nerd with books and cool kid with skateboard on white background. Image: atikinka / Alamy. 9 February 2015