On this week’s ‘Parenting’ segment, one listener asked how to convince her daughter she needs to wear a bra. 

“My daughter is 10 and has hit puberty much earlier than any of her classmates,” the parent told Moncrieff.  

“She has started having periods and while she has become used to having her periods, the idea of wearing a bra is a huge no.” 

The parent said her daughter needs a bra, but she is too embarrassed to get one.  

“None of the girls in her class are wearing bras,” she said.  

Child-adult psychotherapist Joanna Fortune said puberty is starting “younger and younger” for more children.  

Perspective

The parent should work this out with her daughter soon before she starts to develop more.  

“These are thing we can’t exactly fight for long,” Joanna urged. “There’s a biological aspect... you can’t say, ‘oh you’re not ready, let’s ignore this’.” 

She said the parent must see things from the daughter’s perspective and put herself in her place.  

“You could be playful about going ‘Gosh, I remember at your age going for my first bra fitting’,” she suggested. “Make it personable... the language is important.” 

The parent should try to give her daughter as much breathing space as possible in getting a bra.  

“Go to the shop together, pick out something... let her choose colors designs,” Joanna suggested. “As opposed to you bringing something home and going, ‘here's what I got you because you need it’. Make her part of the process.” 

Embarrassment

Joanna acknowledged shopping for bras could be embarrassing for the daughter and suggested shopping online.  

“Let her look at her see the designs and demystify it,” she said. “Let her see what it's about pick some either order them online or once she's made selections, go to the shop and do a very quick job of just simply collecting what she has selected online.” 

The parent shouldn’t try to downplay any embarrassment her daughter might feel.

Changing bodies

“Changing bodies are super embarrassing. And being the first one of your peer group whose body changes is really embarrassing,” Joanna said. 

“She’s used to the idea of a period, but at least that’s something she can conceal and there’s privacy, whereas a bra is overt, it’s obvious.” 

Joanna said the parent should talk to her child about her friends noticing the bra and explain they might be curious – but have a bra is not embarrassing.  

“You have to come up with acceptance and empathy and say to her ‘I can make this less embarrassing for you and we can work through it’.”