On this week’s “Parenting” segment, one parent is concerned their daughter expresses her angry too frequently and too explosively. 

“We’ve always tried to allow our kids express their emotions freely and we find it helps them get over any issues quicker,” they told Moncrieff. “We don’t tell them to ‘stop crying’, we discuss why they’re upset and try resolve it. 

“However, my four-year-old is very expressive. She is going through what we’re calling her angry phase, because it seems that everything sets her off.” 

The parent said it seems like their daughter is “shouting, screaming, roaring, even growling, every day” both at home and in public. 

'Doing' communication

Child psychotherapist Dr Joanna Fortune said it is “beautiful” how the parents let their children express their emotions – but trying to discuss emotions with a four-year-old might not always work. 

“Words actually might fuel the flames of her anger,” she said. 

“Try to focus on doing the communication rather than discussing it – when you’re in the flight of anger and someone says would you like to talk about that, picture the effect it has on you.” 

Children pulling a rope in tug of war. Image: Wavebreak Media ltd / Alamy Stock Photo

Joanna recommended redirecting the daughter’s energy to other activities when she is really angry. 

“What I mean by that is putting in very considered or selected play activities that will actually enable her to release that frustration, to be angry in a safe contained way,” she said. 

Joanna recommended toys like cotton balls the daughter can throw safely or a game of tug of war. 

“At least two rounds out of three, the child should win,” she said. 

Physical activities like running, stomping on boxes and dancing will also let the daughter channel her angry energy in a healthy way. 

'Anger is not a phase'

Joanna emphasised “anger is not a phase” but something that can be managed healthily. 

“It's a really important emotion,” she said. “There are times in all of our lives, be we children or adolescents or adults, when we really need to feel angry. 

“It's really good at the age of four to have somebody who can show you healthy ways to express your anger without demonizing the anger or seeking to minimise or dismiss it.” 

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