On this week’s Parenting segment, a young child is struggling to cope with her dad having a new girlfriend. 

“My ex-partner and father to my children has just announced he is in a new relationship,” the mother told Moncrieff. 

“My 13-year-old is fine but my 10-year-old girl is absolutely devastated... She wasn’t this upset when we separated, probably because she was very young at the time. 

“It seems like depression but I’m not sure if she is too young for this, or if this is a normal reaction. 

“Her older sister confided in me that the younger one always thought we would get back together, me and my ex-partner. 

“How do I go about talking to her about the situation, and adjusting to change?” 

Child psychotherapist Joanna Fortune said the parents need to treat the daughter as if she is grieving a loss. 

“It really is like grieving because she’s held this picture and story in mind that one day, they will get back together,” she said. 

“She needs empathy, but she also needs space to cry it out... it's important she lets to get those feelings out.” 

'Our feelings changed'

Joanna suggested the mother talk to her daughter and her father’s new relationship, without revealing the older sister revealed her fantasy. 

“Say to her, ‘I’ve been thinking about how this is for you, and I think you hoped or believed one day we would get back together’,” she said. 

“Because she was so young when they separated, I think it is worth revisiting that conversation. 

“Let her know, ‘Your dad and I realised our feelings for each other changed and we got along better as parents if we weren’t living in the same house’. 

“Say, ‘While our feelings changed for each other, they will never change for you... if he’s happy, I’m happy’. 

“You may not be as happy as I'm saying you are, but it’s about holding that line.” 

From parenting to co-parenting

Joanna also advised the father who is entering a new relationship to keep the line of communication clear with the mother of his children. 

“Not because it’s their business, but so they can support your children when they’re with them.” 

She noted while couples may fall out, which is natural and understandable, parents who wish to ensure the wellbeing of their children can’t afford to create animosity. 

Listen to this question and more here: