On this week’s Parenting segment, one listener asks how to deal with her child using offensive and inappropriate words.

“My six-year-old will not stop using bad language,” the listener told Moncrieff. “It’s not just the usual suspects such as the F word, but much more serious and offensive ones.

“He knows it gets a rise out of me, and he knows it embarrasses me when we’re out in public or with extended family.

She said even though she has grounded her older son who taught her child bad language, her six-year-old continues to swear.

“I’ve tried removing his favourite things one by one every time he uses bad language, and I’ve spoken to him in a gentler setting about why we don’t use those terms, but he still does it whenever it takes his fancy.” 

Power of language

Parent-child psychotherapist Joanna Fortune said the listener’s child is definitely aware of “the power of language”.

“It is embarrassing. It does elicit a response,” she said. “I imagine he's selective as to make sure he uses it out in public or with extended family.

“You can do something after he said it, but you can't stop him saying it and he knows that. So, there's a bit of a power thing going on.” 

Calm, consistent, cross 

Joanna said the parent can’t ignore her child’s poor language – but she should find a way to “let it run its course”.

“You need to be calm, consistent and I'm going to add another C there – cross,” she said.

“Being cross doesn’t mean yelling or getting physical or overly emotional. Sometimes as parents our most effective course is being quiet and very serious about it.

“Children can realise they’ve crossed a line here, and you have to be consistent about your response.” 

Punishment 

Joanna said the listener should be calm but unrelenting when her son uses inappropriate language.

“When he uses the words, rather than you get into a debate, it might be simple as saying, ‘thank you for letting me know you don’t want to watch cartoons tonight’,” she said.

“When he says, ‘but I do’, you say, ‘but you’re using words you’re using words you know aren’t okay... you’re letting me know you don’t want to go outside or go to party or go out’.”

It’s then important that the parent follows through on this punishment and doesn’t allow her son to get away with using bad language.

“Pick something that you can deliver on because follow through is essential here,” she said. “He has to learn through experience that you mean it when you say it.”

You can listen to more parenting advice every Wednesday on Moncrieff.