On this week’s Parenting segment, one mother is unsure if she should convince her son to get to know his biological father and paternal family. 

“He's 11 and I split up with his dad when he was very young and I am his primary carer,” she told Moncrieff. 

“While his dad and grandparents make a decent effort to try and keep in touch. he has no interest in spending time with them. 

“He hasn't seen them in years and does not want to - his grandparents particularly have expressed to me that they miss him. 

“Should I try to encourage him to see them?” 

Child psychotherapist Joanna Fortune said, unless there are “very specific reasons”, she would always encourage a child to have a relationship with both their parents and grandparents. 

“I also think however, in separated families, mutual respect is everything,” she said. 

“The adults in the family should also be encouraged because it shows our children that we can all get along and that we are a united family circle for them.” 

Divorced parenting

Joanna said the mother should also consider the reasons the son may not want a relationship with his paternal family. 

“I have to say I’m factoring in COVID in here with this because this is an 11-year-old child and there would have been that COVID period when he probably couldn't see his dad and grandparents,” she said. 

“But it may be that that break in connection has been quite challenging for him to repair.” 

'Reach him on his level'

The best way to develop a relationship with an 11-year-old, according to Joanna, is to meet them at their level. 

“I'm wondering is it possible for dad to find out what this kid is interested in?” she said. 

“If it's sports, if it's gaming, if it's Lego, whatever it is that is his thing, try to meet him there. 

“If it’s Lego, you know those brick shows that go on; if it’s gaming, say ‘I’m coming over and I've got a spare headset with me and we're going to play that game I know you love’. 

“Find a way to reach this kid at his level rather than saying, ‘Go see your dad, go see your grandparents’.” 

According to the 2016 census, one in four Irish families with children in Ireland is a one-parent family, with 30% of them due to divorce or separation. 

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