On this week’s parenting segment, a woman emailed in to ask what she can do about her son who hates dressing up for Halloween.
Joanna Fortune, psychotherapist specialising in Child & Adult Psychotherapy, joined Moncrieff to answer this and other listeners' questions.
The question:
“I have a slight concern about a habit of my son’s.
“For the third year in a row he refused to dress up for Halloween.
“We had two instances this year; last Friday, he wouldn’t wear a costume for his class party, he ended up being the only person out of his friends who didn’t dress up.
“Again last night, he opted not to go trick or treating because he didn’t want to dress up.
“He’s nine now, and I’m conscious that he only has a few more years of getting to trick or treat, and I don’t want him to miss out.
“Last year he started bawling, crying when we made him dress up, so I didn’t even attempt it this year.
“He won’t tell me why he hates it, but it’s breaking my heart.
“Any recommendations on how I can help him get over this? I know it’s only a once a year issue, but he’s already missed out and I don’t want it to happen again.”
Joanna’s answer:
“This child is letting you know, ‘I hate this, I absolutely hate it,’” she said.
“He started bawling, crying when you made him dress up, it’s supposed to be fun, so just stop this entirely.
“I think we have to hold in mind… you either love Halloween or you really don’t and then some of us are in the middle but we can have extreme reactions to it.
“We should hold in mind that dressing up, especially at Halloween… this is a full on experience; it’s makeup, it’s scary stuff, there’s a lot of imagery.
“It’s a full on sensory experience… [and] it is okay and entirely possible that some children just don’t like it.
“There’s no sensory aspect to it, they just don’t like it.
“He’s entitled to not like it and he’s entitled to oppose it.
“I get it from a parent's perspective too; dress up days… it is a way of bringing playfulness and imagination and helping children to engage with a topic or a theme within a learning environment.
“There’s a lot of pro-social benefits, it’s fun and parents just really enjoy it.”
'Lots of ways to get involved'
Joanna said parents need to remember that some children find certain things stressful and anxiety-inducing.
“You’ve got one of those and I would say two things,” she said.
“Be it Halloween or Book Day, if he wants to be a part of it with everybody else but hates the costume, maybe choose a character that dresses very similarly to how he does regularly?
“It could be a sports player and he just wears his football kit or it could just be someone who dresses in jeans, a hoodie and runners… you could wear a name badge with the character’s name on it and that’s simple.
“But if he doesn’t want to do it at all, he might be happy to be… a number of children not dressed up but happy to open the doors and engage with the ones who were dressed up.
“So, there are lots of ways to get involved.”
Main image: Children Wearing Halloween Costumes For Trick Or Treating. Image: MBI/Alamy
