One lesbian couple is dealing with ‘the most difficult part of parenting so far’ - as it appears their daughter prefers her biological mother.
The biological mother told Parenting her two-year-old has recently developed a strong preference for her.
“Particularly at bedtime, but it has recently crept into other parts of life,” she told Moncrieff.
“Lifting her when she goes for a walk, sitting beside her, playing with her, [throwing] a massive tantrum if I am in the house.
“My partner is a fab mother - much more patient than I am with our daughter and is just so kind and loving towards her.”
The two mothers are aware this is “a normal stage of child development” - but it is still “really upsetting” for both.
Family psychotherapist Joanna Fortune said, regardless of gender, babies and toddlers will occasionally have a favourite parent.
“It has nothing to do with who is the ‘better’ parent,” she said.
“We often see it come out with kids at this age, maybe with the parent they spend more time with, the one who’s home earlier.
Sometimes it can be as simple as the parent who’s better at building blocks, according to Joanna.
She said young children might also develop a favourite parent just because they can.
“When you’re two, you have very little control in your life, and this is a place where you can have some control,” she said.
'Favourite' mother guilt
Despite the logic behind it, Joanna acknowledged that your child seemingly having a favourite can “still hurt”.
“Even when you know logically it’s not personal, it feels so personal,” she said.
This can especially be the case for the mother who fears she won’t have as close a bond with her child since she’s not the biological parent.
Joanna assured the mothers this is not a unique situation – and the solutions for other parents apply to them too.
“There’s a couple of practical things you can do,” she said.
“Put the partner in charge of fun tasks – could be blocks, art, baking, dancing, singing.
“You could also pop to the shops for a little bit, go for a walk, and just give them space together when you’re not in the house.”
It might initially hurt the other mother to see her child prefer one parent – but Joanna said she just has to “fake it til you make it”.
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