Can you help with a blended family issue? My 6 year old is picking up bad manners habits from my partners 13 and 16 year olds. They are with us every second weekend and during holidays. My partner believes there is a limit to what can be done about his kids swearing and their bad table manners because it isn’t supported in their other home. I do gently correct them and ask them to be a better example for my son but within a couple of hours it reverts. The 16 year old said yesterday “I am who I am so - deal”. Naturally this is my 6 year olds favourite phrase now. Is no phones at the table, no swearing or burping and using a knife and fork too much?
Rules are rules and should be enforced. I see no reason why any parent should constantly contend wtih the use of bad manners and nasty remarks by teenagers. It may be true that your partner's children are not supported in their other family setting but they must learn to control themselves when with you. First of all, tell your own son that his use of phrases such as ..."deal" is not appropriate and will not be accepted in your home. Although I find it a bit amusing I am sure you don't so you need to set a limit.
There needs to be a consequence for this sort of talk if you don't accept it - perhaps the loss of a privilege or some computer time. Don't be draconian about it - just set a small consequence.
Next you need to have a firm talk with your partner's children and he needs to be part of the conversation. You need to tell them you don't appreciate their language and if that is "who they are" then they need to change when in your company. Both you and your partner need to present a united front about this.
There is no point in throwing up your hands and saying it is out of your control. You must control what happens in your family home.
If you have a question for Moncrieff's Parenting Expert, David Carey, email it to afternoon@newstalk.ie and tune in every Wednesday at 3pm.
David J. Carey is a psychologist in practice in Stillorgan, Dublin. He is the author of the book, The Essential Guide to Special Education in Ireland.
