Should you acknowledge a friend's drunken proposition, or just pretend it never happened?
Barbara Scully and Declan Buckley joined Moncrieff to answer this and other listener dilemmas on this week's So, You Think You're an Adult...
The dilemma
“I’m looking for some advice on how to deal with something that happened last weekend. A female friend of mine who I’ve known for probably two years got drunk on a night out with myself and a few of the lads. That was grand, we were all merry, but when we all went back to our friends’ place for a nightcap she got me on my own and propositioned me. I obviously didn’t want to take advantage so I declined.
“We haven’t spoken for a few days since and I’m worried she’s taken it the wrong way. I do actually think she’s lovely but I don’t know what to say to her now! She put me on the spot that night and I think we’ve both made it weird. The silence is deafening. Should I acknowledge it at all? Or should I just pretend it never happened?”
Declan’s advice
“This is a guy who decided - correctly, in a modern consent kind of way - that the smart move here would be to back away. Now he’s wondering if she doesn’t remember.
“I do think there is a potential slightly uncomfortable situation here.
“This woman is somebody who is within their circle of friends - it’s not like she’s a stranger. That’s why there’s awkwardness. How do you initiate the conversation?
“When you revisit a drunken event… you’re reminding somebody of ‘what happened in Vegas’.”
Barbara’s advice
“I take your point he was very chivalrous… it’s a minefield these days. But when did people stop talking?
“Why is this a subject that can’t be revisited? They were all out for a night out and had a few jars.
“Although she had a good few drinks on board, he probably does fancy her.
“I don’t understand what the problem is.
“Why can’t they just say ‘you propositioned me, and I said no because I wasn’t sure because you’d had a good few drinks. Normally, I would have been up for it.’.
“You don’t have to make a big yoke about it - just talk about it.”
“I think as a young woman… you’d think ‘good for him’. Now he’s got to follow through by saying ‘I would have followed through if you’d been sober'. That’s all he has to tell her.”
