What should you do if you want to move in with your partner, but they want separate bedrooms due to your heavy snoring?
That was one listener's question on this week's So You Think You're An Adult, where Barbara Scully and Declan Buckley join Moncrieff to give advice to the nation.
The dilemma
I have been dating my partner for about a year and we've started talking about moving in together. The problem is, he wants us to have separate beds.
I wondered why he would rarely stay the night with me, and he told me it's because I'm quite a heavy snorer. He can't deal with it as he needs a good night's sleep to be able to function at work. He wants us to have a two-bed place.
While financially we are lucky that that would be within our remit, I think it's a bit of a joke. I can't help snoring and it's ridiculous that he thinks separate beds are the solution. What should I do?
Barbara's advice
"The problem here is that the solution the boyfriend has come up with sounds far too practical to me, for a couple who are still in the honeymoon stages of their relationship. That would be a red flag to me.
"I know the snoring is an issue and all... but he's like an old granny saying 'I need to get my full night's sleep, love'. There's something wrong there.
"You're obviously into this guy. I would suggest two things.
"I would suggest if you're going to move in together, by all means get a two-bedroom so there's a spare room - rather than you both having separate rooms. You share a bedroom, but if he has a heavy day at work or your snores are particularly bad then one of other or you can take a hike into the spare room.
"The other thing is if you're seriously worrying about your snoring... I'm sure you could take a trip to the GPs, or try to identify when your snoring is worst.
"The idea of moving into an apartment and having two separate bedrooms... it's very odd."
Declan's advice
"I think it's about compatibility.
"For right or wrong, the partner who was suggesting the twin beds... has one perspective on the world, and you have a different one. It does mean you have a compatibility issue.
"I would see this as a red flag. It seems relatively innocuous... but I don't think so.
"Unless these people are much older, there's something about this scenario that seems joyless.
"I get it: there's nothing like somebody interrupting your sleep. But there are ways around that."
