On this week's So You Think You're An Adult, a listener wants advice on whether they should bring up a "delicate" noise problem with their neighbour...
Barbara Scully and Declan Buckley joined Moncrieff to answer the woes of the nation...
The dilemma
My wife and I live in a small apartment block. We are friendly with our neighbours but a new couple recently moved in to the flat above us. While they appear courteous and amicable when we meet them in the lift they are anything but at night time. You see, the problem is a little delicate.
They seem to enjoy a rigorous sex life and their lovemaking is rather loud. It's got to the point now where we have to turn on the stereo as we feel inadvertently intrusive if we listen. The worst part is the man is French and keeps yelling "J'arrive" at the top of his voice every time they do it which makes the whole thing so visceral and impossible to ignore.
We just don't know what to do about it. Should we bring it up with them and how?
Barbara’s advice
“I wouldn’t be advocating that you bring it up directly with them. If it is a serious issue for you, I would suggest maybe trying to engage them in conversation in a roundabout way about noise.
“You could say things like ‘I hope our TV isn’t too loud for you’... so they might get the idea.
“That’s really all you can do. The other thing, if you want to approach it a little more directly, is ask them if they have a new train set or something!
“I don’t think you can bang on the door and say ‘listen lads, you are making a lot of noise’”.
Declan’s advice
“You might actually get to the point when you can [say it to them]. But this is not about being able to hear your neighbours doing a specific thing - it’s about hearing your neighbour.
“It can send you around the bend when someone is making noise - if it’s affecting your sleeping or even you having your quiet moment.
“It triggers you and becomes a major thing. In this instance… I agree you either say ‘I can hear you having sex’ or say something indirect. You’re still saying ‘I can hear you’.
“Where do you go from there? I’ve been through this - you work out very quickly where your rights end, and they actually end at your wall.
“In order to live happily, you have to work things out. That’s the thing you should consider when you approach them.”
